There are two reasons why we love this place. No. 1: We were once kissed on the mouth here by an unknown woman while the whole bar watched Barack Obama's acceptance speech. No. 2: the burger. Sweet merciful Krishna, that burger—two expertly fried onion rings attached with melted Gruyère to a juicy, flavorful half-pound of Painted Hills beef, with a tomato relish that kicks ketchup's ass to Dubuque. There's other food here, some of it quite good, but the burger is what keeps hope alive. As for the service, well, it's called Slow Bar for a reason. Best to come early if you want your food before the next administration's in office.
What to drink: A Southern Lemonade ($6.50), with bourbon, fresh lemonade and 7Up. It's like a less-embarrassing wine cooler.
Happy hour: $1 off beers, $2.50 well drinks, food specials (that sadly don't include burgers); 3-6 pm and midnight-2:30 am Monday-Friday.
Entertainment: Guessing how old most of the carefully disheveled patrons were when the Ramones song on the sound system was released. (Answer: negative 12.)