Sweatering It Out: Sweaters

Rug Rats: Babies

Drama Teens: Boys & Girls

Mommie Dearest: Women

Badass Dads: Men

Friends, Lovers & Significant Sinners

Rich Bitches

Seasoned Seniors: Grandparents

Last Resort: Resortwear

Dressing for high school can be stressful. Trends zip in and out of those hallways faster than fleeting crushes. So help the poor kid out, why don'tcha? These threads will give your favorite teenybopper the oh-so delicate mix of edgy and trendy. But even with the Perfect Outfit, they'll still whine, "Nobody understands me!" No worries. They'll be in college and out of your hair in five years, tops.

For Boys:

Bill Me Now
A backwards Goorin Brothers hat fits the bill for the "I'm not trying" look sought by the teenage-boy set. The "Jeep Cap" ($12, Retread Threads, 931 SW Oak St., 916-0000) is a knit stocking cap with a bill that comes in khaki, army green and black. Think equal parts skater and West Hills snob. The Brothers also make hip newsies hats that are flying out of Ipnosi ($18.95, 616 NW 23rd Ave., 223-4373). They come in mostly dark colors, a black-and-white check version and a saucy vinyl one.

Rage Against $#@% Everything!
Mainstreamed by Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan a few years back, Zero T-shirts and sweatshirts ($17.95-$49.95, Cal Skate Skateboards, 210 NW 6th Ave., 248-0495) are still flying off the shelves. Grandma won't know what to think when she sees her grandson wearing a black T-shirt with a big ol' cross on it and the text, "In the name of God's one and only son." Has he found Jesus? Is he going to hell? Maybe. But at least he'll look cool when he gets there.

DIY for Dummies
The story behind the Modern Amusement patched zip-up sweatshirt ($62, Lit, 214 SW 8th Ave., 827-3300) is almost as intriguing as the shirt itself. The designer's brother broke up with his girlfriend and sketched out the two comic-style graphics patched on the front. His agony is now embodied in the main character, "Anti-modern Murphy." It looks so DIY, the other kids will have no clue that Mommy shelled out more than 60 bucks for this designer sweatshirt.

Bless Me, Savier!
Trudging houseward under a backbreaking stack of homework is so tragically un-hip. Jazz up your teen's daily grind with Savier's cross street backpack ($40, Exit Real World, 820 NW Glisan St., 226-3948). It's durable and sleek, and it has tons of cool functions, like a hidden skateboard-carrying system, a zip-out water bottle holder and tons of pockets. Oh yeah, it also holds a book or two. Also check out Savier's jeans and shirts at Cal's Pharmacy (1644 E Burnside St., 233-1237). Bonus: Savier is a local company. Now there's no excuse for spending the big bucks on North Face stuff.

Seven Heaven
There's a scary, cultlike following among young women for the perfectly fitting Seven Jeans. Now, the company is spreading some love to the fellas with their new line of Seven Jeans for men ($130, Lit, 214 SW 8th Ave., 827-3300). Their five-pocket jeans come in four different washes, but every pair rides low on the hips for a relaxed fit--not too baggy, not too tight. And, of course, they have Seven's signature pocket embroidery and red tag. One look at your perfect silhouette in the mirror, and you can't help but join the cult.

For Girls:

Papa Don't Preach
Her beau du jour finally asked her to the Christmas semi-formal. She even got Daddy to extend curfew to midnight! But what ever will the little damsel wear? In any of the line of Stop Staring! dresses ($58-$78, Naked City, 3730 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 239-3837), she'll be the center of attention. The standout of the three styles is a Kelly Osbourne-inspired red knockout: The black belt around the hips is so naughty, yet the tiny bow at the top is so nice. Dear old Dad might even reconsider curfew when he sees his little princess leave the house in this knockout.

What a Li'l Haughty
A mix of winter weather and teenage moodiness can transform any girl into an ice queen. Let her dress the part in a Countess faux fur-trimmed coat ($62.95-$72.95, The Powder Room, 814 NW 23rd Ave., 248-9160). A stunning entrance is guaranteed in a white (or black) knee-length coat (complete with a faux fur-trimmed collar and hem). The buttons only go halfway down, so if the wind is blowing, the bottom will even flare open a touch. A necessity for any drama queen, icy or not.

All Vintage, No Mothballs
Lulu Guinness super-hot handbags are decidedly fabulous, but the $200 price tags aren't everyone's bag. Hold on to your Benjamins and still snag the kitschy style with a Hula Hoop vintage reproduction handbag ($35-$45, Renaissance Salon, 4004 SE Division St., 235-8127). The handmade bags feature fun scenes, like a mod catwalk circa 1960 or Hawaiian pinup girls of the '50s. Local designer Serene Bertram gets the gems for the button-loop closures off of vintage shirts or from antique stores, so no two bags are exactly alike. How d'ya like that, Lulu?

Style Meets Comfort
Italian clothing company Fornarina is genius when it comes to making comfy sweatshirt material into something trendy. Lit (214 SW 8th Ave., 827-3300) carries an oh-so-cozy tricked-out Fornarina sweatshirt ($72). The red sweatshirt features extended cuffs, a beaded bug appliqué on the shoulder and a cinched-up middle that's just perfect for showing off her sparkly navel ring. It says: "Oh, do I look hot? I had no idea!" Look for Fornarina's sweatshirt dresses, too.