1) Thank TV manhunts for your safety once again with Saturday's apprehension of accused murderer Edward Morris (sporting a freshly shaved head and a black trenchcoat). Primed by TV news alerts, a tipster noticed our suspect's van on I-84--suspicious, she said, because it was driving within the speed limit.

2) On a short break from flipping burgers, scrubbing floors and bagging groceries, Oregon's wageslaves felt their wallets fatten when the state's minimum wage jumped 40 cents to $6.90 an hour. That extra $16 a week is almost enough for a carton of Dorals!

3) Fuzzy woodland critters and their aquatic cousins went wild when federal Judge Anna Brown ruled that the Oregon Department of Forestry needs to (gasp!) obey the federal Endangered Species Act. The judge's ruling has broad implications and could force chainsaw-happy state foresters to be nicer to salmon and owls.

LOSERS

1) The good news for U.S. Sen. Gordon Smith is that fish don't vote. The bad news is that the gruesome demise of 30,000 salmon and other fish was implicitly laid at his door by the California Department of Fish and Wildlife, which concluded that last year's massive die-off was the result of water diverted to Oregon's Klamath farmers, courtesy of Oregon's Sen. Smith.

2) Storm clouds gathered over the Isle of Lesbos as PDX dykes were dealt a terrible blow: the Portland Fire has officially gone out. Citing steady financial losses and a lack of interested new owners, Portland's WNBA franchise has sounded the final buzzer, leaving behind a trail of sweaty sports bras and broken hearts.

3) The City of Portland won a $7 million settlement from computer wizards at Severn Trent for delivering to the Water Bureau a gigantic lemon, cunningly disguised as a billing system. Unfortunately, the screw-up cost the city at least $20 million, which is bad news for the mayoral ambitions of City Commissioner Erik Sten, on whose chest a scarlet W is permanently etched.