10 am-7 pm Monday-Friday.

They say you can never go home again, but if you're from a town like mine—one with ample dining options for those who crave oversized and greasy heart-attack food—outer Northeast Portland has plenty of places to carb-cram like a true bumpkin. So don't get distracted by the word "Philly" here: The teeny country kitchen that is Grant's Philly Cheese Steaks has formulated its own concoction of way-too-much-minced-steak and a goo of your choice (they serve provolone, cheddar, cream cheese or American—but the melted cheese, as a sign on the counter proudly announces, is nothing but the finest Kraft Cheez Whiz) on soft, grease-dripping hoagies. Peppers and onions are free on a $6 half-Philly (all but the longest-haul truckers should avoid ordering the $10.50 full sandwich), but it's a buck more for mushrooms and other such novelty items, which will make you feel slightly less like a hyena tearing at a wildebeest carcass. We had a long time to eavesdrop on the out-of-work locals while slowly picking at a sinful mountain of cheese fries ($5.75), which turned out to be a totally unnecessary side, considering the deliciously thick housemade potato chips served for free with the cheesesteaks and gut-busting half-pound burgers. CASEY JARMAN.