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Home · Articles · News · News · Douchebags Not Allowed
March 23rd, 2011 JAMES PITKIN | News
 

Douchebags Not Allowed

Southwest Ankeny street says yes to cool and no to cars.

news2-central_3720BAR MAN: Dustin Knox at Central. - IMAGE: Darryl James
66 Comments
     
Dustin Knox’s bar on Southwest Ankeny Street has seven rules posted at the door.

Find a seat or leave. No hitting on strangers. No fights. No drunks served. One at a time in the bathroom. Don’t yell. And lastly, “no name dropping, star fucking or excessive whining.”

Call his seven rules a tribute to the recent past when, Knox recalls, this neighborhood was a place to enjoy a low-key night—not get trashed at the meat markets that now dominate Old Town.

“There’s not a lot of places left that aren’t overwhelmed with douchebaggery,” Knox laments.

You’ve seen them waiting in line outside Dixie Tavern, brawling outside Dirty and puking at Barracuda: punch-throwing, Axe body-spraying dudes from Beaverton and their Grey Goose-guzzling girlfriends who can’t walk in heels.

But Knox struck a blow against overinflated egos and suburban trash culture with Central, the bar he opened last year next to Dan & Louis Oyster Bar.


View Ankeny Alley in a larger map

Last November, The Oregonian ran a front-page story about the fact that Central has no sign. But more than being what the daily dubbed a “secret bar,” Central is ground zero in a fight to liberate this part of downtown from the weekend warriors.

“They see downtown as a place to go and raise hell,” Knox says. “I’m completely sure that I want to alienate a certain culture of behavior.”

John Papaioannou, co-owner of Berbati’s, says he’s on Knox’s side in this battle over the mix of downtown night life.

Across the street from Central, Papaioannou owns the former music club Berbati’s Pan. Inside, now, is a construction zone Papaioannou aims to reopen in June as Ted’s—a downsized venue for cabaret and burlesque, named after Papaioannou’s recently deceased brother and business partner.

Berbati’s Pan was a pioneer venue when it opened in 1994. It closed on New Year’s Eve this year due to competition from new clubs on the east side, Papaioannou says.

When Ted’s opens on the corner of Southwest 3rd Avenue, along with a newly expanded Voodoo Doughnut next door, Papaioannou hopes it will help revitalize the street where he’s been doing business for 24 years. (The Papaioannous opened Berbati’s bar on the other side of the block, at Southwest 2nd Avenue and Ankeny Street, in 1987.)

“Dustin and I are on the same page,” Papaioannou says. “We could create a lot of traffic.”

But first, Papaioannou says, they need the city to get out of their way.

The narrow block lined with brick (and also home to the venerable bar Valentine’s) offers more Old Town charm than most stretches of the city center. Knox and Papaioannou want the option of setting up tables to serve their respective specialties—crêpes and gyros.

But the sidewalks are too narrow. 

So long as the city continues allowing auto traffic, the car-free promenade Knox and Papaioannou picture is just a dream.

“We have been fighting to close this alley for 20 years,” Papaioannou says. “Why won’t the city do it?”

Papaioannou suspects revenue from on-street parking is the answer. But Kevin Brake, senior project manager for the Portland Development Commission, says there was no money to redesign Ankeny when the city recently redeveloped the area around Saturday Market.

“It’s been discussed on and off for quite a while,” Brake says of making Ankeny foot traffic only. “It is not closed as an opportunity, but the business owners need to take the lead.”

Brake suggests they begin by contacting the city transportation bureau. Papaioannou says he may do so. He pictures a European-style block with lighting strung overhead and the paving ripped out to expose the original cobblestones.

Knox says he’ll continue fighting the douchebags his own way at Central.

“I could make twice as much money if I changed my business plan, but I’m more interested in bringing change and culture,” Knox says. “I really want to take back the alley.” 

 
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03.23.2011 at 12:00 Reply

Well, I won't be patronizing this douchebag's establishment anytime soon!  Anybody who feels the need to display "rule" signs with profanity in them to their patrons, is clearly NOT meant for the hospitality industry.  Perhaps Mr. Knox would be more confortable handling the consession booths at the next WWF event!  So why IS WW giving free publicity to this uninspired loser anyway??  Publisher or Editor getting a little in the closet perhaps?

 

03.23.2011 at 01:06

And you, you are the douchebag of which we speak. Go back to Beaverton, Mick.  You just don't fucking get it.

 

03.24.2011 at 03:22
Max

World Wildlife Fund? Yeah, I bet he probably would like doing concessions for them.

 

03.24.2011 at 03:26
Joe

Mick, you don't get the right to criticize the way others speak until you learn to spell and/or make complete sentences. Other people here are taking the high road, but you clearly don't deserve that, so I will not pull any punches. I'll start from your first post and work my way through.

Perhaps Mr. Knox would be confortable handling the consession stands at the next WWF event.

You misspelled "comfortable" and "concession". Also, while I'm sure Mr. Knox would love to provide food to the next World Wildlife Fund event, I'm pretty sure you meant the WWE.

Either that, or you've been too busy "working the streets", to realize that actual adults do not feel the need to pepper their every comment with profanities.

This is not a sentence. If you remove the clause that is offset with commas, you are left with "Either that to realize that actual adults do not feel the need to pepper their every comment with profanities.". Removing the comma before "to" would make the sentence grammatically correct, but the sentence construction would still be atrocious. 

Andrew already caught "incumbent", so I'll leave that one alone.

Your spelling and grammar are lacking, and your sentence construction is akin to that of a middle school student, so fuck you if you're trying to suggest that swearing makes me, or anyone else, inarticulate.

 

03.24.2011 at 04:48
Joe

I mentioned Andrew's correction of "incumbent", which was an error on my part due to anger. Because I saw so many other things wrong with your posts, I fell victim to snap agreement of anyone correcting you, but your usage of the adjective was correct. However, I noticed a couple more errors that should be noted.

Anybody who feels the need to display "rule" signs with profanity in them, is clearly NOT meant for the hospitality industry.

This is not a sentence because neither clause is independent. Removing the comma would make a grammatically correct sentence, but that sentence would still be convoluted due to its construction.

You know, those of us that actually have a complete vocabulary, and so do not need to result to profanity, in order to make our points.

Rather than point out all the flaws in this jumbled up mess, I'll just rewrite it into an actual sentence.

Those of us who have a complete vocabulary do not need to resort to profanity to make our points.

Do you see what I did there? The sentence has a subject, "Those of us who have a complete vocabulary", and a predicate, "do not need to resort to profanity to make our points". It does not have an interjection and three dependent clauses separated by commas.

For someone who is so concerned with sounding articulate and proper, you really haven't spent much time learning to do so.


 

03.23.2011 at 01:20 Reply

Ah Sarah:  What a fine vocabulary and sophisticated way of expressing yourself with class you have - you must be the reincarnation of Liz Taylor!  Either that, or you've been too busy "working the streets", to realize that actual adults do not feel the need to pepper their every comment with profanities.  In either case, you're also wrong as to my residence.  Actually, the folks from Beaverton are probably more than happy to put up with this sort of crass behavior - since they raise their kids with babysitters and television, they're used to that sort of inarticulate sort of expression!

 

03.24.2011 at 12:13

Go cry to your imaginary friend Jesus about it, why don't you?

 

03.23.2011 at 02:11 Reply

Yeah, Mick sounds like your typical douchebag.

 

03.23.2011 at 03:06

Actual adults say fuck and they write it. That's what adults do, grow up and leave the church group shit back in high school. I live on this alley, in fact I'm looking down in right now. It's the uptight scared snobs waiting in line at Voodoo that act like the bums who live in this alley are the ones who are intruding and out of the ordinary. Down here, someone who thinks that if an adult swearing makes them a prostitute is the one out of the ordinary, You. Not the bums, not the street kids not the mentally ill it's people like you. It's the uptight bridge and tunnel crowd. And what kind of world are you in that adults don't swear, all the time? WTF?

 

03.23.2011 at 03:13

Well, if by "adults", you mean those that are technically old enough to drink, I suppose you're right.  When I say "adults" however, I'm speaking of actual grown-ups.  You know, those of us that actually have a complete vocabulary, and so do not need to result to profanity, in order to make our points.  It's also worth remembering that children and young adults take their cues from adults, so it's actually incumbent on ALL of us to act and speak properly.  As for my comment to Sarah, it's been my experience, that a woman who would use language like that, when there's no real need to do so, is probably a slut - whether she actually chooses to charge for it though, is her business!

8>)P

 

03.24.2011 at 12:08

I think you're confusing "Grown Up" with geriatric. Go have a heart attack somewhere. 

 

03.24.2011 at 12:51

I'm going to reply here in response to Mick's response.

Mick, I would like to address your comment for the ignorance it displays to the world. You jump into the comment spouting libelous claims that individuals who use profanities do not have fully developed vocabularies. In making this claim you inderectly infer that you are an individual with said fully developed vocabulary. On this point I take issue.

Throughout your post you display your illusiouns of grandeur with your ineptitudes in wielding the English language. I will refrain from calling out your attrocious sentence structure as I am often a victim of this myself and wil instead focus on your word choice. Your first major offense is your use of the word 'incumbent', incumbent is a noun describing a person who holds a particular position, nothing can be incumbent upon us. Alternative choice would be 'it is our duty' or "it is important for us'. Here is where your own hypocrisy jumps into high gear, you call Sarah a 'slut'. Now the word slut is tantamount to profanity in as much as it is seen as 'dirty' and 'hurtful' by the conservative population you are representing.

What follows is a quote that I think you should take to heart:

"Speak properly, and in as few words as you can, but always plainly; for the end of speech is not ostentation, but to be understood. 

William Penn"

Finally, please take your high and mighty attitude and promptly shove it up your fucking ass.

Thank you.

 

03.23.2011 at 02:39 Reply

I was not aware that there were names to be dropped or stars to be fucked in Portland.

 

03.24.2011 at 10:58
g

There are -- they're just so obscure you probably haven't heard of them.

 

03.24.2011 at 05:46

THANK YOU Andrew, for the BEST reply ever!!! I don't live in Portland, go to Portland, or drink in Portland. But I read this article and thought, "Poor Portland that they have this guy running a business in an area people want to populate." This guy does not deserve to be successful with the philosophy he has. Run your fucking business man, and stop complaining about the people who pay for your services. They are your customers, douchebag. Stop whining (your rule, not mine) to the weekly newspaper, who will give you a voice, despite the fact that you have absolutely NO message.

 

03.23.2011 at 02:43 Reply

I think "Sarah" and "Damos" should get together and procreate.  The result?  Neandrethal man makes a re-appearance on Earth!

 

03.24.2011 at 11:17

Correction: pencil-dicked douchebag. Close this tab Mick, and get back to playing WOW in your crusty undies. TOOL.

 

 
 

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