Jumping the Broom 

45 From the opening marriage proposal backed by the world's creepiest piano player, there's something a little off-putting about Jumping the Broom, the new wedding dramedy co-produced by influential African-American minister T.D. Jakes, who also plays the ceremony's officiant. The movie contains all the requisite clashes between upscale and boondock families on Martha's Vineyard, but there's also an unexpected Grant Hill vs. Jalen Rose thing happening, a debate about blackness that becomes very frank and then emphatic: "I usually don't talk to dark-skinned girls, but I'm making an exception for you." None of this is funny, but none of it is boring. As the groom's undermining mom, Loretta Devine plays against expectations of lovability—her character is remarkably awful, yet still the only one in the movie with much poignance. As directed by Salim Akil, the picture is more polished than the Tyler Perry movies, but Perry is willing to skewer everybody. This feature feels more like a hip youth-group leader who tries to join in on the dirty jokes, but keeps needing to mention that, OK guys, it's good to laugh, but let's remember that sex really is a precious gift shared between a husband and wife, and that's not something we should take lightly, right? The uncomfortable piety distorts the whole film, so that Jumping the Broom is never free to be at ease or funny; it's an unintentional reminder why you don't invite church people to parties. PG-13. AARON MESH. Opens Friday at Cornelius, Bridgeport, Division and Lloyd Mall.

Something Borrowed

26 Without a doubt the most harrowing of the Saw sequels, Something Borrowed stars Kate Hudson as Darcy, a tan with teeth engaged to a haircut with teeth named Dex (Colin Egglesfield, who looks like he was conceived, delivered and christened at one of Rob Lowe's Slip 'n Slide parties circa 1985). Darcy and Dex, whose names actually function as rather swift character development—stay away from these people, basically—have enough money and free time to go to the Hamptons every weekend to wear sandals and play badminton and drape thick white sweaters over V-necks without a care in the world. The only problem: Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin, cute as a button sewn into the face of a kitten that's as cute as a bug's ear), Darcy's best friend and maid of honor, has a thing for Dex, and that Top Gun-looking motherfucker Dex might have a thing right back. And, like in a bad dream, John Krasinski, whose service as The Office straight man has rendered him permanently bemused, but in a creepy and almost PTSD way, as if he will sarcastically kill himself at any moment, is somehow there the whole time for no good reason, but there's no reason for any of this, so whatever. Features Counting Crows and Third Eye Blind songs. Cover versions. Yup. PG-13. CHRIS STAMM. Opens Friday at Cinetopia, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Tigard and Sandy.