The first time I tried to visit Moscow Bar (16015 SE Stark St.), I got as far as the front door—located conveniently in the back—and, reaching for the ax handle that passes for a door knob, noticed a sign that read "Private Party." It looked like a good one: Souped-up sports cars in the lot, leather-jacketed cool dudes on the patio. A few nights later, there was little evidence of this blowout and the black-and-white-tiled backroom dance floor had gone dark. That's sort of the nature of the huge space, our bartender explained: On Thursday nights it's a dance club that plays American pop music, on Friday and Saturday nights it's a dance club that plays Russian jams, and every other night of the week it's a few regulars shooting pool, playing in pingpong tournaments or knocking back cheap-and-stiff original drinks (the creamy and intense $5 Chocolate Covered Cherry, maybe, or a $4.50 Ducks-green Zip Lock, which makes a fine Sparks replacement). Pingpong is sexy and all, but I'm guessing the patriotic condoms in the men's room hit their sales peak sometime over the weekend.