C.J. Watson

He's an ex-Warrior, and when I say "Watson," I'm imitating Arsenio Hall introducing Mr. Randy Watson in

Coming to America


Derrick Rose

Because he subs in for C.J. Watson sometimes (joking!). He's incredible all-around, but that alley-oop against Detroit last year was nasty. 

Kevin Durant

The best offensive player in the NBA. His commercials aren't bad either—especially the Nike one with Sam Cooke playing in the background.

Monta Ellis

One of the most underrated scorers in the game...and he's a Warrior.

Jeremy Lin

Only because he's Asian.

SEE IT: Bhi Bhiman plays Doug Fir Lounge on Friday, March 2, with Chadwick Stokes. 9 pm. $15. 21+.