Scoop: Van Halen Ain't Gluten-Free

Roth-Era gossip (without Wolfie).

By WW Culture Staff
  1. WHY CAN’T THIS BE LOVE: Last week, someone dropped what we thought was a box of Voodoo Doughnuts at the WW office. Naturally, it sat for a few hours before anyone opened it. But in the box was something special: a gigantic doughnut emblazoned with the Van Halen logo. At first this made us Jump, because you just Can’t Get This Stuff No More (unless you import it from Panama). We reached down between our legs and eased the seat back only to find it tasted kind of like Poundcake. No, we Ain’t Talkin’ ’Bout Love here—the doughnut didn’t exactly make us want to Dance the Night Away. But we’re still pretty excited about Van Halen hitting the Rose Garden in August.
  1. AS THE BAGEL TURNS: In other round-bread news, fallout from the Kettleman Bagel sellout continues, with news that Kenny & Zuke’s will fill a big hole (geddit?) in the local market as the new bagel supplier to Portland Whole Foods markets. That’s a huge increase in production for the West End deli. Can it maintain the quality? In possibly related news, Michael Madigan’s upcoming Bowery Bagels will now be supplying Stumptown shelves—which have until now stocked Kenny & Zuke’s. We also notice Kenny & Zuke’s has switched from Stumptown coffee to Ristretto Roasters. Coincidence? Bad blood? No word back as of press time.
  1. CHEESY CART: We’ve seen some truly terrible Portland food cart ideas, but this one is spectacularly bad: William Steuernagel is looking to raise $2,500 on Kickstarter for his new business Cheese & Crack: “a cheese, crackers, and charcuterie food cart.” Yes, he’s going to put cheese and crackers in a box. So, basically, artisan Lunchables. The crackers will at least be made from scratch. Everything else will be “sourced.” Steuernagel hopes to open up at downtown’s Southwest 9th Avenue and Alder Street pod. Incidentally, we think a cart that actually sold crack would be a big hit downtown.
  1. ODD COUPLE: Sterling Coffee Roasters and M Bar are about to become roommates. Although details are still being sorted, Sterling co-owner Aric Miller says the plan is for the local microroaster to operate out of the bar’s building on Northwest 21st Avenue during the day, then switch back into a bar at night. It’d be one of the only spaces of its kind in Portland. Once confirmed, the transition would occur “within a month,” Miller says.
  1. ALBUM WATCH: Three Portland bands of note have recently wrapped up recording new albums. Menomena is making its first record without singer/multi-instrumentalist Brent Knopf and planning a very special listening party for the new release. Wild Ones made last year’s Best New Band list and has been blowing our minds in concert ever since. TxE, the hip-hop trio, has been collecting samples from Portland bands (including And And And, Starfucker and Nurses) to use as the backbone of its next album. 

WWeek 2015

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