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November 7th, 2012 RUTH BROWN | Headout
 

Headout: Blood Feud

Pale, shirtless pretty boys with pointy teeth. How do they compare?

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It’s been almost a decade since Buffy the vampire slayer dusted her last television bloodsucker and delivered her final snark-laden riposte, but the show’s popularity has endured in the hearts and DVD box sets of fans the world over-—as evidenced by ShanRock’s Buffy: The Trivia Slayers trivia contest taking place Sunday, Nov. 11. Of course, these days you can’t turn on the TV without catching some undead Lothario sinking his prosthetic fangs into a hapless heroine who can’t decide whether she wants to nail or stake him, but Buffy did it all first. So how do today’s coven of onscreen vamps fare against Joss Whedon’s finest? To the graph!

Angel & Spike: 20th Century Fox; Bill & Eric: HBO; Stefan & Damon: The CW Network; Edward: Summit Entertainment LLC

 

Angel 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel

Evilness: Not much. Angel had his evil patches, but spent most of his time trying to be a hero and chasing redemption and for his twu wuv, Buffy.
Awesomeness: A smidge. Angel could and did kick ass, but spent the greater part of every episode furrowing his very large forehead and brooding. 


Spike 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel 

Evilness: Mixed. Punk-rock vamp Spike was unashamedly evil for six series of Buffy. But then he went and got a soul and started fighting for good. Yawn. 

Awesomeness: It varies. Spike was the show’s most awesome character for years—until he fell in love with Buffy and promptly became a lovesick bore. 

  

Eric 

True Blood 

Evilness: Very. Thousand-year-old Viking vampire Eric occasionally does something nice for one of the four creatures he cares about, but otherwise kills with glee.

Awesomeness: Very. One of Eric’s finest scenes involved nonchalantly pulling a man’s heart out through the chest and slurping the blood through the man’s carotid artery. He can also fly. 


Damon 

The Vampire Diaries 

Evilness: It’s complicated. Despite being a remorseless killer for about 200 years, he now seems to spend a lot of time helping teenagers in small-town Virginia. 

Awesomeness: Fairly awesome. Damon is usually the one pointing out just how eye-rollingly stupid everyone else on this show is (and they really, really are). And yet, he is inexplicably in love with the show’s gormless teenage heroine, Elena, who is dating Stefan. Buck up, Damon, you can do so much better.


Bill 

True Blood 

Evilness: Only recently. For most of the show, Southern vampire Bill has spent his nights drinking artificial blood and making out with his dimwitted fairy girlfriend. Even his newfound change in attitude is driven by, blech, religion.

Awesomeness: Limited. Good Bill was a total stick in the mud, and newly evil Bill is a sanctimonious prick.


Stefan 

The Vampire Diaries 

Evilness: Not really. Stefan was evil for about a season, but he only allowed himself to become that way to save Elena, so it doesn’t really count. 

Awesomeness: Not really. He spends most of his time drinking animal blood and making moon eyes at his girlfriend, who in turn spends most of her time daydreaming about Damon. I can’t blame her. 


Edward 

Twilight 

Evilness: Zero. He’s a lover, not a biter. 

Awesomeness: Ditto. Edward and his family seem to live the most joyless vampire existence ever, and he spends his days holding hands with an insipid teenager he doesn’t even get to screw until the fourth film. 


GO: Buffy: The Trivia Slayers is at EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside St., on Sunday, Nov. 11. 6 pm. Free. 21+. 



Headout Picks

THURSDAY NOV 8

BACCHANAL BALLROOM
[SEXY STATUES] Find ancient Greek statues a little too inert? Watch equally sculpted, scantily dressed dancers perform synchronized routines to live percussion and DJ beats. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-2811. 5:30-8:30 pm. $7-$10. 21+.

MV & EE
[MUSIC] The cosmos are of concern for the Vermont drug-folk partnership of Matt Valentine (MV) and Erika Elder (EE). While the instrumentation is quite stripped-down—Appalachian, even—the duo tinkers with spacey effects and celestial lyricism. With over a decade of recording experience in one incarnation or another, MV & EE has entered a new level of sonic strung-outness. Little Axe Records, 5012 NE 28th Ave. 8 pm. $5. All ages.


FRIDAY NOV. 9

LOS LOBOS
[MUSIC] It’s a shame Chicano-rock elder statesmen Los Lobos are mostly known for their version of Ritchie Valens’ “La Bamba.” If people knew anything, Kiko—the group’s brilliant, alternately dreamy and rollicking 1992 album, which it is playing in full to celebrate the record’s 20th anniversary—would be thought of along the same lines as Pet Sounds: as a product of towering artistic vision, and a singular achievement in the history of American rock ’n’ roll. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $40 advance, $45 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.


SATURDAY NOV. 10

HOLLOW ROOTS
[THEATER] Kara Walker’s art explores slavery, racism and violence. Christina Anderson’s new one-woman play, Hollow Roots, investigates race, gender and the possibility of divorcing contemporary identity from historical legacy. In a fitting convergence, Boom Arts presents a staged reading of Anderson’s play inside an exhibition of Walker’s work. Cooley Memorial Art Gallery, Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd., boom-arts.blogspot.com. 7 pm. Free, reservations required.

THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE
[BOOKS] One of the last trustworthy news sources in the country, The Onion is now sharing its insights with the world in the new, comprehensive book The Onion Book of Known Knowledge. Presented by The Onion editor Will Tracy. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 2 pm. Free.


TUESDAY NOV. 13

JAPANDROIDS
[MUSIC] Remember that night you were already in bed, said “fuck it” and came to drink with me instead? Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 8:30 pm. $16.


 
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