In our first Holiday Gift Guide, we directed you to some downright pleasant local stores, where you might putter around aimlessly and endlessly to find gifts for the various people in your life—craftsfolk, snoots, children—who might like to get a little something-something in cellophane and a bow.
Well, the time for puttering is over, you filthy procrastinator. The season’s various gift-giving holidays are fast approaching or winding perilously down.
We like to follow a simple rule when our backs are against the wall: shoot for the plump, low-hanging fruit.
And, of course, we know that all acquisition stems from vice, and that vice is at the heart of our most decadent enjoyments. We’ve learned this from Leo Tolstoy, Gautama Buddha and Mitt Romney.
So for our Holiday Gift Guide Volume 2: Nice Things for Naughty People, we’ve picked 42 strange or wonderful or even useful items, all sold at independent local stores or websites, that appease or pander shamelessly to the traditional seven capital vices, from wrath to sloth.
Do not fight the failings or weaknesses of your friends and family. Indulge them terribly. The holidays, after all, are no time for nagging or self-improvement.
Let’s all be worse together, in relentless good spirits.
And, as always, we raise our collective glasses to the mostly gentle passing of another year. Cheers! Kampai! Iechyd da!
CONTRIBUTORSEditor: Matthew Korfhage
Art Directors: Brittany Moody, Dylan Serkin
Ad Designers: Dylan Serkin, Kerry Crow
Copy Editors: Rob Fernas, Matt Buckingham, Peggy Capps
Editorial Contributor: Sami Gaston
Photographer: Matt Wong
Portland Gingerbread House: Olinka Broadfoot for ADX
Director of Advertising: Jane Smith
Advertising Executives: Maria Boyer, Michael Donhowe, Carly Hutchens, Ryan Kingrey, Janet Norman, Kyle Owens, Sharri Miller Regan
Special thanks to mallet-maker Charlie Haughey, the team at ADX, and cover model Michael Ewing.
The beauty of imaginary violence is a dangerous seduction, we suppose. We should cease all Call of Duty play immediately, burn our John Woo DVDs, stop blowing up 2-liters in our collective basement. But we probably won’t. These cold, metallic dreams have been sharpening their edges for far too long, and they’ve already cut too deep.
1. Hammer-forged Nakiri by Toyokuni.
$120 at Hawthorne Cutlery and Gifts, 3208 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 234-8898, hawthornecutlery.net.
$15 at Portland Shaolin Center, 3818 SE Powell Blvd., 737-5025, portlandshaolin.com.
3. Corey Smith stealth fighter rings by Winifred Jewelry.
$35-$80 at Winifred Jewelry, 811 E Burnside St., 473-2755, winifredjewelry.com.
4. Skullshred Gloves by Grenade Gloves.
$39.95 at grenadegloves.com, 235-5606.
5. Fisticup by Fred & Friends.
$18.99 at Compound Gallery, 107 NW 5th Ave., 796-2733, compoundgallery.com.
6. Sterling silver Tec-9 pendant by Combat Couture.
$179 at combatcoutureonline.com (supplies limited before Christmas).
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1. Wrap wallet by Portland designer Martine.
$100 at Martine Satchels, 2716 SE 23rd Ave., 956-5699, martinesatchels.com.
2. 1:6 scale Eero Aarnio ball chair by Vitra.
$355 at Hive Modern, 820 NW Glisan St., 242-1967, hivemodern.com.
3. Square clock in walnut.
$125 at the Joinery, 4804 SE Woodstock Blvd., 788-8547, thejoinery.com.
4. Aalto Vase by Iittala.
$145 at Canoe, 1136 SW Alder St., 889-8545, canoeonline.net.
5. Log bowl by Loyal Loot Collective.
$150 at Woonwinkel, 935 SW Washington St., 334-2088, woonwinkelhome.com.
6. The National solid-state headphone amplifier by Portland company ALO Audio.
$299 at aloaudio.com.
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It’s only natural to seethe when subjected to other people’s all-too-documented Facebook vacations—or merely, simply, to covet them for yourself. And, sure, you could maybe find your cure in effortful, blandly narcissistic yoga practice. But absolute, disconnected self-indulgence also does the trick just fine, at lesser psychic cost to your friends.
1. Magnolia Candle by Izola.
$35 at Flutter, 3948 N Mississippi Ave., 288-1649, flutterclutter.com.
2. Seaweed & Minerals Bath Soak by Herbivore Botanicals.
$28 at Parallel, 1016 SW Washington St., 274-8882, parallelportland.com.
3. CocoaRose Dream Cream by Goldie’s.
$26 at Beam & Anchor, 2710 N Interstate Ave., 367-3230, beamandanchor.com.
4. Luxury face oil by Rodin.
$150 at Alder & Co., 537 SW 12th Ave., 224-1647, alderandcoshop.com.
5. Night Carafe by Sugahara.
$69 at Red Sail, 1723 NE Alberta St., 971-266-8472, shopredsail.com.
6. Charcoal Body Scrub Towel
$18 at Schoolhouse Electric & Supply Co., 2181 NW Nicolai St., 230-7113, schoolhouseelectric.com.
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Whoever thought lust was a sin just wasn’t paying attention. It is perhaps the only vice that offers itself so generously to the world: Lust can only be shared, or else it’s useless. Which is another way of saying, if you give any of these gifts to the right person, it’s also a gift to yourself.
1. Fun wand by njoy.
$88 at She-Bop, 909 N Beech St., 473-8018, sheboptheshop.com.
2. Vega demi-cup bra & low-rise knickers by Fortnight Lingerie.
$203 (set) at Lille Boutique, 1007 E Burnside St., 232-0333, lilleboutique.com.
3. Pure Sweet Almond Massage Oil by Escential.
$9.25 at Escential Lotions and Oils, 236-7976, escentialonline.com.
4. Fur-lined pingpong paddle.
$77.25 at Spartacus Leathers, 300 SW 12th Ave., 224-2604, spartacusleathers.com.
5. Portland neighborhood honey by BeeLocal.
$16 at Foxfire Teas (and other locations), 2505 SE 11th Ave., No. 105, 288-6869, foxfireteas.myshopify.com.
6. Devore handmade underwear by Tribe.
$46 at UnderU4Men, 800 SW Washington St., 274-2555, underu4men.com.
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Pride needn’t always be some irritating, rooster-crowing thing; sometimes it’s just a matter of liking where you are, liking your neighbors, liking the things that make your city or family what it is. A few things, then, that celebrate that.
1. Pendleton wool coffee cozy handmade by Michael Parich.
$9 at Courier Coffee, 923 SW Oak St., couriercoffeeroasters.com.
2. Flag of San Marino (or any one of more than 150 other nations).
$5 at Sandy Boulevard Trading Post, 1447 NE Sandy Blvd., 234-6079.
3. Made in Oregon onesie by Seasons K.
$30 at Presents of Mind, 3633 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 230-7740, presentsofmind.tv.
4. Finder Guide to Portland by Willamette Week. (We’re proud to a fault, too.)
$10 at Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651, powells.com.
5. Portland Tunnel Book by LEAFpdx.
$24 at Tender Loving Empire, 412 SW 10th Ave., 243-5859, tenderlovingempire.com.
6. Ka-pow! Extracto single-origin coffee bar by Portland chocolatier Sahagún.
$6 at Cacao, 712 SW Salmon St., 274-9510, cacaodrinkchocolate.com.
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Food is good. Good food is really good. We understand, of course, the fastest way to a congested heart is through a full stomach, but...seriously? Food is good.
1. Salted caramel sauce by Portland chocolatier Xocolotl de David.
$13 at the Meadow, 3731 N Mississippi Ave., 288-4633, atthemeadow.com.
2. Dark chocolate squirrel and nuts by Alma.
$10 and $5, respectively, at Alma Chocolates, 140 NE 28th Ave., 517-0262, almachocolate.com.
3. Arbequina Extra Virgin Olive Oil by Oregon Olive Mill.
$17.99 at Pastaworks, 3735 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 232-1010, pastaworks.com.
4. Duker's Dills Hot Carrots by Portland pickler Our Favorite Foods.
$16 at the Woodsman Market, 4529 SE Division St., 971-373-8267, woodsmantavern.com/market.
5. Raw Nigerian Dwarf Goat Cheese by Pholia Farm in Elk Mountain, Ore.
$37.90 a pound at Cheese Bar, 6031 SE Belmont St., 222-6014, cheese-bar.com.
6. Netarts Bay sea salt by Portland's Jacobsen Salt Co.
$8 at Laurelhurst Market, 3155 E Burnside St., 206-3099, laurelhurstmarket.com.
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Ah, you might not have written that novel, or gotten that job, or gotten up to go to that job. You might not have changed your underwear in over 48 hours. But you know what? There’s nothing like a fine bottle of booze to make you feel like you’re really getting somewhere.
1. Golden Quince liqueur, 375 ml by Stone Barn Brandyworks.
$25 at Stone Barn Brandyworks, 3315 SE 19th Ave., Ste. B, 775-6747, stonebarnbrandyworks.com.
2. Cerasus kriek beer with Oregon cherries by Logsdon Organic Farmhouse Ales.
$19.95 at Saraveza, 1004 N Killingsworth St., 206-4252, saraveza.com.
3. Sinfire cinnamon whiskey by Hood River Distillery.
$15.95 at local liquor stores.
4. Spruce Gin by Rogue Ales.
$35.15 at local liquor stores.
5. Mourvédre wine by Enso Winery.
$35 at Enso Winery, 1416 SE Stark St., 683-3676, ensowinery.com.
6. Bourbon Little Brother Belgian dark strong beer by the Commons Brewery.
$11 at the Commons Brewery, 1810 SE 10th Ave., 343-5501, thecommonsbrewery.com.