Art fans, this is truly a magnanimous moment in the history of modern civilization. Not since Gutenberg first threw down the word of the Big Man upstairs has the printed letter held quite such esteem. 

I, Bill Walton—two-time NBA champion, college basketball legend, father of the eighth-best forward on the Cleveland Cavaliers' roster and first-ballot inductee to the Hyperbolic Sports Announcer Hall of Fame—have been asked by this esteemed publication, in the very city for which I brought home my first professional championship, to critique the work of another towering Bill Walton. The late minimalist, sculptor and proud son of Camden, N.J., Bill Walton's work is currently exhibiting at the storied Adams and Ollman Gallery. Folks, I suggest you cut out this article and frame it, for this is the single most important page of newsprint not just in the history of Willamette Week, or Oregon, or even America. It is, in fact, the most important piece of literature ever produced on this, or any, planet.

–BILL WALTON with help from MATTHEW SINGER. Images courtesy of the Estate of Bill Walton & Adams & Ollman.

Red Floor/White Floor

Four Fold

The sheer majesty with which Walton presents this dingy folded cloth is utterly astounding—breathtaking, even. It brings to mind something my UCLA Bruins coach, the immortal Wizard of Westwood, John Wooden, once told me: "Walton, pick your disgusting sweat rag off the floor and hang it on the rack like a proper human being! And cut that filthy hair, you goddamned dirty hippie!" A poet worthy of Keats, that man was.

Paint Brushes

Ladies and gentlemen, I have gazed upon the works of the great Renaissance painters at the Musée du Louvre. I have watched Larry Legend practice his jumper in an empty gymnasium. I have witnessed Jerry Garcia play a 75-minute guitar solo at the Fillmore. All fail to match the grace, power and overwhelming beauty of these old paint brushes hanging on a hook. Bill Walton truly knows the essence of being and what it means to be alive—and also how best to keep one's art supplies organized and easily accessible.

Small Sculpture

Eh.

GO: Bill Walton is at Adams and Ollman, 811 E Burnside St., through April 27. 11 am-5 pm Wednesdays-Saturdays, and by appointment.