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March 13th, 2013 RUSTY FEATHERCAP | Top 5
 

Top Five Tips for Enjoying South by Southwest

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Bands—who needs ’em!?
Pssh, come on! You’ll hear bands without even trying, man. Anyway, that’s not really why you are here, is it? Focus on “networking,” kissing ass, getting signed—or, better yet, getting laid!

Find a clean restroom.
No one wants to stand in line for an hour while listening to that awful dubstep music just to use some plastic shit box with old, sticky beer juice all over the floor. Find the tallest building in sight, take the elevator up a few floors and discover a nice, cozy baño you can call your own. 

Carry marijuana on your person.
That ol’ Oregon hierba works better than a VIP pass, brother!

Don’t wear flip-flops.
Are you kidding me with those Birks? Have you ever been to a music festival? Have you ever been to Texas? They have real snakes. Keep those dogs covered, hombre. I learned my lesson at Woodstock ’99. 

Go big on the tacos, but lay off the queso dip.
Just trust me on this one. It was also learned through real-world experience. See also tip 2, which is definitely related. And, hey, have a great trip!

GO: South by Southwest continues in Austin, Texas, through March 17. Follow our coverage at wweek.com and twitter.com/localcut.

 
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