ILLUSTRATION: Devon Devereaux

Bike Mechanic

Interests: Lubrication, pulling the crank off the bottom bracket, chain tugs, down tubes, quick releases, couplers, saddles, thumb shifters, racks, nipples, seatpost clamps, freewheel rear hubs.

Theme song: "I'm a Cruiser"

Archnemesis: Estacada Shitkicker

Estacada Shitkicker 

Interests: Dodge Ram, tow hitch, lifted axles, hardtop, truck nuts, pump action, full-body Realtree camo, homophobia. 

Theme song: “Macho Man” 

Archnemesis: Bike Mechanic

Obliviously Racist Raver Girl

Interests: Molly, pot, feather headdresses, leather fringe, neon face paint, furry things, fuzzy things, soft things, shiny things, bright things, the DJ, your eyes being so blue right now oh-my-god, glitter, spirituality, wishing it could be like this forever, totally respecting your traditions.

Theme song: "Fire Island"

Archnemesis: Neighborhood Associationista

Hobo Pirate

Interests: PBR, djembes,  windless nights when the river smoothes to glass and the sky feels like freedom. Also, septic pumps. Does anybody have a septic pump? No, seriously, I need one.

Theme song: "In the Navy"

Archnemesis: Condo Developer

Condo Developer

Interests: Sustainable disposability, supporting the arts with $1,200 studio lofts, concrete masonry units, starting food-cart pods, closing food-cart pods, Portland Development Commission grants.

Theme song: "San Francisco (You've Got Me)"

Archnemesis: Hobo Pirate

Neighborhood Associationista

Interests: Property values, the way things used to be, political terrorism, peace and goddamn quiet, community kale gardens, reserved streetside parking, Summer Fun Days, hating fun.

Theme song: "Hot Cop"

Archnemeses: Hobo Pirate, Obliviously Racist Raver Girl, Estacada Shitkicker, Condo Developer, Bike Mechanic.

GO: The Village People play Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., on Saturday, Nov. 30. 8 pm. $35 advance, $40 day of show. 21kknd.