ILLUSTRATION: Devon Devereaux
Bike Mechanic
Interests: Lubrication, pulling the crank off the bottom bracket, chain tugs, down tubes, quick releases, couplers, saddles, thumb shifters, racks, nipples, seatpost clamps, freewheel rear hubs.
Theme song: “I’m a Cruiser”
Archnemesis: Estacada Shitkicker
Interests: Dodge Ram, tow hitch, lifted axles, hardtop, truck nuts, pump action, full-body Realtree camo, homophobia.
Theme song: “Macho Man”
Archnemesis: Bike Mechanic
Obliviously Racist Raver Girl
Interests: Molly, pot, feather headdresses, leather fringe, neon face paint, furry things, fuzzy things, soft things, shiny things, bright things, the DJ, your eyes being so blue right now oh-my-god, glitter, spirituality, wishing it could be like this forever, totally respecting your traditions.
Theme song: “Fire Island”
Archnemesis: Neighborhood Associationista
Hobo Pirate
Interests: PBR, djembes, windless nights when the river smoothes to glass and the sky feels like freedom. Also, septic pumps. Does anybody have a septic pump? No, seriously, I need one.
Theme song: “In the Navy”
Archnemesis: Condo Developer
Condo Developer
Interests: Sustainable disposability, supporting the arts with $1,200 studio lofts, concrete masonry units, starting food-cart pods, closing food-cart pods, Portland Development Commission grants.
Theme song: “San Francisco (You’ve Got Me)”
Archnemesis: Hobo Pirate
Neighborhood Associationista
Interests: Property values, the way things used to be, political terrorism, peace and goddamn quiet, community kale gardens, reserved streetside parking, Summer Fun Days, hating fun.
Theme song: “Hot Cop”
Archnemeses: Hobo Pirate, Obliviously Racist Raver Girl, Estacada Shitkicker, Condo Developer, Bike Mechanic.
GO: The Village People play Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., on Saturday, Nov. 30. 8 pm. $35 advance, $40 day of show. 21+. crystalballroompdx.com.
