You may remember Macaulay Culkin as the precocious child actor who sadistically tortured Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern in the Home Alone movies. Well, he's all grown up, and playing in a pizza-obsessed Velvet Underground tribute act called the Pizza Underground. So, in advance of the band's Portland show, we asked Lonesome's Pizza owner Noah Antieau—the mind behind some of the best (and most absurdly named) pies in town—to whip up with some Mac-inspired pizza recipes. Do not make these at home, alone or otherwise.

The Home Alone Pizza
Arugula and new pubes.

The “Black or White” Video Pizza
Dandelion greens, bathroom-sink meat, guitar-roasted George Wendt. 

The Richie Rich Pizza
(Isn’t he a drug addict in real life?), pepperoni (I feel like he’s been caught with pills or something), half a chicken (the shit you do for drugs, am I right?), wilted kale.

The Party Monster Pizza
Manwich meat, free-range unicorn thigh.

The Pizza Underground Pizza
Prosciutto, African cucumber, gluten-free gluten, cheese of some sort, the girl who doesn’t call me anymore.

SEE IT: The Pizza Underground plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Toby Goodshank, Wampire and Tiger House, on Tuesday, April 29. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.