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April 23rd, 2014 LAURA HANSON | Comedy and Variety
 

Beyond the Badger

YouTube legend Randall made a career for himself post-Honey Badger fame. Now he plays guidance counselor for other memes.

perf_randall_4025ILLUSTRATION: Brad Alston
In early 2011, a mysterious man, identifying himself only as “Randall,” posted a video to YouTube. A dubbed-over National Geographic segment on honey badgers, The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger featured Randall’s flamboyant, New York-accented narration: “Honey badger don’t care, honey badger don’t give a shit. It just takes what it wants.”

The video quickly went viral. Today, it has more than 66 million views.

But Randall didn’t just fade into oblivion. He has channeled his popularity, and his genuine love for wildlife, into other projects: more dubbed videos, including Honey Badger Narrates: The Great White Sea-Monster and Honey Badger Narrates: The Stiffy Goat; a book about such animals as the emperor tamarin and the pink fairy armadillo; and commercials for pistachios and phone systems.

In anticipation of Randall’s visit to Portland—he’ll be part of a showcase at Helium Comedy Club to benefit Wildcat Haven, an animal sanctuary in Sherwood—we asked him to give advice to fellow meme makers looking to extend their 15 minutes of Internet fame.


Grumpy Cat

Due to dwarfism, cat has puckered face. Looks displeased. 

Randall says: “Don’t be afraid to smile, honey. I know the pressure is on to stay ‘grumpy,’ but even the grumpiest of grumps have to chuckle every now and then!”


David After Dentist

Child gets tooth removed. Has existential dilemma.

Randall says: “We’re all waiting for David’s revenge! I suggest stacking things on Dad’s face when he passes out and filming it!”


Charlie Bit My Finger

Young English boy puts finger in infant brother’s mouth. Infant chomps down. 

Randall says: “Never stop chomping on fingers! It’s the best way to keep those closest to you in check!”


What Does the Fox Say?

Norwegian comedy duo makes music video about animal sounds. 

Randall says: “I don’t know if we’ll ever figure out what the fox says. I’m still trying to understand the sloth!”


I Like Turtles 

Portland reporter asks face-painted child about his day at Waterfront Park. Boy responds with non sequitur. 

Randall says: “Turtles are indeed amazing! But, honey, you need some rest and a snack!”


Friday

14-year-old girl sings about her typical Friday.

Randall says: “Why stop at Friday? Ya gotta sing more songs about the other days of the week as well as months!”


Star Wars Kid

Teenager practices lightsaber skills with golf-ball retriever. 

Randall says: “The Force is strong with this one! Someone get this Jedi a baton and knee-high boots!”


Overly Attached Girlfriend

Girl submits video for Justin Bieber parody contest. Sings about unhealthy relationship.

Randall says: “You’re gonna make some lucky dude very happy one day. Until then, you should totes be cast in Misery: The Musical!”


Ermahgerd 

Girl from the ’90s holds Goosebumps books in hands. Can barely contain excitement. 

Randall says: “Dare I suggest you change your name to Ermah Gerd? I think it’d help launch your career, honey! I really do!”


Scumbag Steve

Aspiring white rapper has mother take photo for album cover.

Randall says: “The second you decide to be cool is the moment you lose the love and attention of many! Stay scummy, ya scumbag!”


Ridiculously Photogenic Guy

Runner looks good at end of race. 

Randall says: “You need to get in the ‘photos for photo frames’ business. Cereally, think of how many peeps will buy frames and just leave your photo in there!”


Bad Luck Brian

Seventh-grader takes unfortunate school photo. 

Randall says: “Sometimes, crapping your pants can help build character. ‘Good luck’ is overrated, honey—don’t go changin’…unless it’s your pants!”


Chubby Bubbles Girl 

Chubby girl chases bubbles.

Randall says: “You’ve lived through so much. Always on the run, always moving. I say, take time to walk—enjoy your surroundings.”


Strutting Leo

Attractive, well-known actor is happy at work. 

Randall says: “Oh, Leo…are your feets tired? Cuz you’ve been running around on my computer all day, honey!”


Success Kid/I Hate Sandcastles

Young Patton Oswalt clutches fistful of sand.  

Randall says: “What advice can you give a kid who has it all figured out?!”


SEE IT: Randall is at Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 7 pm Sunday, April 27. $18-$23. 21+. 

 
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