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May 7th, 2014 MARTY SMITH | Dr. Know
 

Dr. Know: The Vanishing Candidates

The number of candidates in my Voters' Pamphlet doesn't match my ballot. Conspiracy?

drknowILLUSTRATION: Hawk Krall

My Voters’ Pamphlet lists only one Democratic candidate for governor. However, my primary ballot has two candidates listed. For U.S. senator, the pamphlet has one candidate and the ballot has three. Is this a conspiracy?

—Vexed Voter

Le sigh. I’ll explain, but I’d much rather be thinking about my latest invention. It’s a piñata shaped like Jesus, except when you hit it, communion wafers come out. Easter will never be the same! (And if you think that’s the most sacrilegious thing you’ve ever heard, you’ve clearly never listened to the Elton John song, “Don’t Let the Son Go Down on Me.”)

Soon the Jesus Piñata™ (“A festive twist on the Eucharist!”) will make me so rich the only questions I’ll have to answer will be along the lines of “Where do you want this pallet of cocaine-infused White Castle burgers?” But for now, I’m still on the hook.

There’s no conspiracy (not that we’d tell you if there were). It’s just that getting on the primary ballot doesn’t automatically get you a statement in the Voters’ Pamphlet.

Getting on the ballot is easy—just file your candidacy and pay a $100 fee. Getting in the Voters’ Pamphlet is harder, since you not only have to pay a (separate) fee, you also have to write up the statement.

Serious candidates don’t usually try to unseat an incumbent governor or U.S. senator from their own party, which means in these cases we’re dealing with the sort of unknown candidate generically known as Some Guy.

Some Guy is erratic. He doesn’t always get around to placing a statement in the Voters’ Pamphlet. Maybe he can’t think of a reason why you should vote for him; maybe he’s busy on his roof with a frying pan, defending his home from invisible bats. Either way, if he doesn’t submit a statement, it won’t appear.


QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

 
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