Sofia Coppola is her generation's primary chronicler of the spoils of being spoiled. From The Virgin Suicides to Lost in Translation to The Bling Ring, her films center on rich and entitled people whining about the loneliness they experience as a result of getting pretty much whatever they want.

Marie Antoinette
5th Avenue Cinema, May 30-June 1

But Coppola has proven she has a way with brats. With her particular skill set in mind, we've whipped up treatments for more historical tales of brats that could use the Coppola touch.

I, Henry

Jason Schwartzman portrays the tyrant Henry VIII in a film that consists of one 90-minute shot of the king eating and talking unintelligibly about his wives with his mouth full. The wives are never seen. This is the entire film.

Bush League

Mae Whitman and Portia Doubleday star as Jenna and Barbara in this rollicking tale of the hard-partying college days of Jenna and Barbara Bush and their nights at Kappa Alpha Theta, intercutting between their lives at the University of Texas and Yale, where they drive boys—and the Secret Service—crazy. Bill Murray has a small role as George W. Bush, who scolds Jenna for her fake ID, then gets her a new one. 

Grady Days

In this whimsical prequel to The Shining, the Grady twins (Chloë Grace Moretz and Elle Fanning) are reimagined as teenage girls who spend the entire winter wandering the rooms of the Overlook Hotel to a sizzling modern pop soundtrack, decorating the empty hotel rooms to look like their dream homes, gorging on cans of pudding and dodging their increasingly angry dad, Delbert (Coppola cousin Nicolas Cage), who really hates the Katy Perry music playing (or is it?!) on the hotel's intercom system.

Lucky Lindy

The Lindbergh baby kidnapping turns out to be a hoax, and a now-adult Charlie (Shia LaBeouf) wanders his father's mansion, where he's given anything he wants—except permission to reveal himself to the world. His life changes during a chance encounter with a maid (Kirsten Dunst), who wanders into his isolated room and shows him the ways of love...and the music of Bow Wow Wow.

Sofia: A Film by Sofia Coppola

In this semiautobiographical official selection of Cannes 2016, Yeah Yeah Yeahs singer Karen O (ex of Spike Jonze) plays Sofia Coppola (also an ex of Spike Jonze). The filmic opus begins with Sofia's revisionist chronicle of being cast in the critically acclaimed role of Mary Corleone before taking the character on a whirlwind of high-profile romances (including Spike Jonze). The world soon becomes enraptured with her sprawling tales of rich people being spoiled, and the films are heralded for their complete absence of poor or ugly people. Sofia ends with a 15-minute montage of the lead character eating colorful cookies. Classic Coppola! 

Also Showing:

  • The NW Film Center’s “Mad Romance: The Films of Leos Carax” closes with films of increasingly mad brilliance. 1991’s The Lovers on the Bridge concerns the romance between a fire-eating street junkie and a vagrant painter; 1999’s Pola X is an erotic, labyrinthine adaptation of a Herman Melville novel; and 2012’s Holy Motors is…well, it must be seen to be believed. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. May 30-June 1. See for full schedule.
  • Insane even by the standards of director Werner Herzog and actor Klaus Kinski—who, mind you, went on to make Fitzcarraldo, in which they dragged a gigantic boat over a mountain without any special effects—1972’s Aguirre, the Wrath of God is about a mad Spanish explorer (Kinski) on a quest to find El Dorado in the 16th century. Herzog’s relentlessly disturbing and jaw-dropping film is a towering achievement, a deeply disturbing examination of madness, evil and the lust for power. 5th Avenue Cinema. 7:30 pm Friday, May 30. Free.
  • Aliens just keeps coming back to our repertory theaters…and that’s a good thing. One day, it should get a permanent place on a theater’s roster. Like Rocky Horror. But with way more Paxton. Academy Theater. May 30-June 1.
  • The Laurelhurst continues a great run of Westerns with George Stevens’ classic Shane, in which a gunfighter attempts to settle down. Retirement plans for violent cowboys were apparently pretty shitty. Laurelhurst Theater. May 30-June 1.
  • In this month’s Hecklevision, we’re treated to Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, a TV movie in which an amnesiac David Hasselhoff heads to Hawaii, where Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth blah, blah, and whatever. Boobs. (Editor’s note: This was written by 12-year-old Andy Kryza, from his parents’ bathroom…where he might also be trying to stream the Gena Lee Nolin sex tape on his mom’s dial-up.) Hollywood Theatre. 9:30 pm Saturday, May 31.