THURSDAY JUNE 5
DRINK: It's going to be a long week of beards, bikes and beer at both Pedalpalooza and Beer Week. Start slow, clean and crisp with Masters of Lager at Imperial Bottle Shop & Taproom (3090 SE Division St., 971-302-6899, imperialbottleshop.com). Look for Heater Allen's Helles Bock and Full Sail's Vienna lager alongside offerings from Upright, the Commons and Breakside. 6 pm. Free admission, buy beer.
RIDE: From Imperial, you can roll right down Division to the Independent Publishing Resource Center (1001 SE Division St., portlandzinesymposium.org), which is hosting a bike-in movie. They'll be showing BMX Bandits—which is sorta like Tootie Fruities cereal to the Froot Loops of Hal Needham's classic Rad. Reagan-era attire is encouraged. 7 pm. Free admission, bring cash for refreshments.
FRIDAY JUNE 6
RIDE: Get an early start on a busy weekend with the Burnt Bridge ride, which leaves from the Cascades MAX Station at 1 pm and follows the 8.5-mile Burnt Bridge Creek Trail in Vancouver and the Marine Drive path to make a 30.5-mile loop over both Columbia River bridges.
DRINK: After a long, early ride you'll want to get the nearest pizza and beer, which is at East Glisan Pizza Lounge (8001 NE Glisan St., 971-279-4273, eastglisan.com). Springfield's Hop Valley Brewing takes over the taps, with happy-hour prices between 4 and 6 pm.
SATURDAY JUNE 7
DRINK: The marquee event of Portland beer week, the Portland Fruit Beer Festival (portlandfruitbeerfest.com) begins at 11 am at Burnside Brewing (701 E Burnside St., 946-8151, burnsidebrewco.com). Get warm and toasty with a few glasses of Elysian D'Mango Unchained and the Commons Citrus Royale, because it's almost time to peel your clothes off. Admission is $20.
RIDE: The biggest event of Pedalpalooza, the World Naked Bike Ride, isn't totally naked—helmets and shoes are strongly encouraged—but it's otherwise everything you'd expect and more. People begin gathering at Normandale Park (Northeast 55th Avenue and Wasco Street) at 8 pm. Ride starts at 9 pm.
SUNDAY JUNE 8
RIDE: The Zoobomb Century combines two of the more extreme styles of group rides into a single "death ride" (their words!) down the West Hills. Then back up. Then down again. Until you've ridden 100 miles on a 16-inch kid's bike. Take the MAX to Washington Park, and go right until you get to the logs. Ride starts at 10 am.
DRINK: If you actually rode 100 miles on a 16-inch bike, you deserve to go all out with one of the day's two big brewers' dinners on the west side. Pfriem, makers of our Beer of the Year, will be at Irving Street Kitchen (701 NW 13th Ave., 343-9440, irvingstreetkitchen.com) pouring alongside four courses and canapes (5:30 pm. $85 including gratuity). Down at Raven & Rose (1331 SW Broadway, 222-7673, ravenandrosepdx.com), five brews from Samuel Smith will be paired with British foods like Yorkshire pudding and roasted meats (6:30 pm. $60).
MONDAY JUNE 9
RIDE: As the weekend warriors put their clothes back on and recover from fruit beer-induced hangovers, hardcore bikers will gather to discuss stoplights on the 12-mile Traffic Signal Wonkery ride. Meet under the Portlandia statue (1120 SW 5th Ave.) at 5:30 pm and prepare to be awestruck by "some of the city's best intersections."
DRINK: The geekout continues as the New School beer blog brings together 10 of Oregon's newest breweries (Chetco, Buoy, Baerlic, Plank Town, Sam Bond's Garage, Thunder Island and more) for a tasting at Bailey's Taproom (213 SW Broadway, 295-1004). Starts at 2 pm.
TUESDAY JUNE 10
RIDE: Put on your Get Up Kids T-shirt and head over to Colonel Summers Park (Southeast 20th Avenue and Belmont Street) for an Emo Ride full of salt, sweat and sugar on the asphalt. Starts at 6:30 pm.
DRINK: After the ride, head east on Belmont (and then north to Stark, because Belmont Station isn't on Belmont) for Infusions Illusions, where San Diego's Monkey Paw Brewing makes its Portland debut with the help of a Randall, an "organoleptic hop transducer module" that infuses extra flavor into tap beer. Belmont Station, 4500 SE Stark St., 232-8538, belmont-station.com. Starts at 5 pm.