I’m not a cat person. At all. The notion of loving cats was obliterated early in my life, by a brother who brainwashed me into memorizing the soundtrack to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats, and by a demonic tabby that took to chewing on my face while I slept. As an adult, I’ve dated women whose ideas of romance involved vacuuming their Maine Coons and making them dance to Flo Rida. I recently inherited a long-haired Persian, and while I’ve taken a shine to the mucus-seeping thing, I’m always disturbed when the missus makes me watch videos of the cat doing, well, nothing. 
Yet the second coming of the Walker Center’s touring Internet Cat Video Festival (Hollywood Theatre, June 13-14)—at least from what I’ve seen—is magnificent. There will be a blind kitten fighting a hair dryer. An impossibly tiny furball will giggle like a baby when tickled. Fat old cats will squeeze into boxes, or leap around fighting with superimposed lightsabers. One cat will be terrified beyond belief by Super Mario Bros. A feline in a shark costume will sit stoically atop a Roomba as, for some reason, a duck runs around it. A longhair will eat a watermelon. Slowly. And you will be hypnotized. 

Also Showing: 

  • Pix screens Raiders of the Lost Ark, which features surprisingly few French confections, unless you count that silky smooth Rene Belloq, whose charms literally melt faces. Or was that the wrath of God? Pix Patisserie. Dusk Wednesday, June 11.
  • When Old Town venue Satyricon closed in 2010, Portland lost a vital piece of its musical landscape. Mike Lastra’s 2013 Madness and Glory: The History of the Satyricon pays tribute to the all-ages punk club. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Thursday, June 12.
  • Mississippi Records Music & Film series returns to the Hollywood with Off the Charts, a documentary about the song-poem industry, which for seven decades has allowed people—for a nominal fee—to have their own song lyrics set to music. The film is followed by performances of lyrics submitted by Portlanders. Unfortunately, since the deadline has passed, your ode to your cat will not be heard. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Thursday, June 12.
  • Before he was a super-ripped, city-leveling Jesus who moved in super-slow motion, Superman was, well, a not-so-ripped alien Jesus whose actions might have resulted in the destruction of Metropolis. But at least he could fly around the world backward and turn back time. 1978’s Superman: The Movie remains Clark Kent’s finest cinematic hour. Academy Theater. June 13-19.
  • 007’s first onscreen outing, Dr. No, may not be his finest adventure (though it’s certainly up there), but it did lay the groundwork for the decades-spanning franchise. Plus, without Ursula Andress’ original emergence from the ocean in a bikini, Daniel Craig doing the same thing in Casino Royale might have really confused the ultra-macho audience. Laurelhurst Theater. June 13-19.
  • Sixteen Candles harks back to a time when PG-rated teen comedies had boobs, f-bombs and casual racism. Playing as part of the Kiggins’ Summer of John Hughes series, it remains a glorious totem to the awkwardness of teenagers, even if it maaaybe kind of uses date rape as a punch line. Kiggins Theater. Opens June 13.
  • John Carpenter’s Big Trouble in Little China will hopefully never get a sequel or reboot, but that doesn’t mean the adventures of Jack Burton can’t live on in comic-book form. Eric Powell and Portlander Brian Churilla will be on hand to sign copies of their comic-book adaptation. Hollywood Theatre. 7 pm Sunday, June 15.