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Iâm not a cat person. At all. The notion
of loving cats was obliterated early in my life, by a brother who
brainwashed me into memorizing the soundtrack to Andrew Lloyd Webberâs Cats,
and by a demonic tabby that took to chewing on my face while I slept.
As an adult, Iâve dated women whose ideas of romance involved vacuuming
their Maine Coons and making them dance to Flo Rida. I recently
inherited a long-haired Persian, and while Iâve taken a shine to the
mucus-seeping thing, Iâm always disturbed when the missus makes me watch
videos of the cat doing, well, nothing.
Yet the second coming of the Walker Centerâs touring Internet Cat Video Festival (Hollywood Theatre, June 13-14)âat
least from what Iâve seenâis magnificent. There will be a blind kitten
fighting a hair dryer. An impossibly tiny furball will giggle like a
baby when tickled. Fat old cats will squeeze into boxes, or leap around
fighting with superimposed lightsabers. One cat will be terrified beyond
belief by Super Mario Bros. A feline in a shark costume will sit
stoically atop a Roomba as, for some reason, a duck runs around it. A
longhair will eat a watermelon. Slowly. And you will be hypnotized.
Also Showing:
- Pix screens Raiders of the Lost Ark, which features surprisingly few French confections, unless you count that silky smooth Rene Belloq, whose charms literally melt faces. Or was that the wrath of God? Pix Patisserie. Dusk Wednesday, June 11.
- When Old Town venue Satyricon closed in 2010, Portland lost a vital piece of its musical landscape. Mike Lastraâs 2013 Madness and Glory: The History of the Satyricon pays tribute to the all-ages punk club. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Thursday, June 12.
- Mississippi Records Music & Film series returns to the Hollywood with Off the Charts, a documentary about the song-poem industry, which for seven decades has allowed peopleâfor a nominal feeâto have their own song lyrics set to music. The film is followed by performances of lyrics submitted by Portlanders. Unfortunately, since the deadline has passed, your ode to your cat will not be heard. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Thursday, June 12.
- Before he was a super-ripped, city-leveling Jesus who moved in super-slow motion, Superman was, well, a not-so-ripped alien Jesus whose actions might have resulted in the destruction of Metropolis. But at least he could fly around the world backward and turn back time. 1978âs Superman: The Movie remains Clark Kentâs finest cinematic hour. Academy Theater. June 13-19.
- 007âs first onscreen outing, Dr. No, may not be his finest adventure (though itâs certainly up there), but it did lay the groundwork for the decades-spanning franchise. Plus, without Ursula Andressâ original emergence from the ocean in a bikini, Daniel Craig doing the same thing in Casino Royale might have really confused the ultra-macho audience. Laurelhurst Theater. June 13-19.
- Sixteen Candles harks back to a time when PG-rated teen comedies had boobs, f-bombs and casual racism. Playing as part of the Kigginsâ Summer of John Hughes series, it remains a glorious totem to the awkwardness of teenagers, even if it maaaybe kind of uses date rape as a punch line. Kiggins Theater. Opens June 13.
- John Carpenterâs Big Trouble in Little China will hopefully never get a sequel or reboot, but that doesnât mean the adventures of Jack Burton canât live on in comic-book form. Eric Powell and Portlander Brian Churilla will be on hand to sign copies of their comic-book adaptation. Hollywood Theatre. 7 pm Sunday, June 15.
WWeek 2015