Hitched

The bold truth about true love.

Kevin and Tanya Patterson
JULY 18, 2003

Tanya and Kevin Patterson split up two weeks before their wedding.

The breakup wasn't because of the usual prenuptial pressures--they'd already dealt with those.

Tanya and Kevin's time apart was born out of a more romantic notion: They wanted an old-fashioned buildup to the big day. And so Tanya, 29, packed her bags and moved in with a friend's parents, while Kevin, 36, stayed in the couple's Lake Oswego apartment. Though the two would continue to work that first week (she works in economic development for the City of Vancouver; he works in upper management for the Boy Scouts), they decided to take time off from the relationship prior to the wedding.

The hard part was over--the invitations had been sent, flowers arranged, pastor and location secured. They wanted the last two weeks to feel peaceful.

The couple admits the road to the altar wasn't always lined with rose petals. Their relationship began under what many would consider complicated circumstances. Kevin had been married before and was then in the process of ending another relationship. Tanya wasn't sure that she wanted to start dating someone with that kind of baggage.

"If anything, I thought I'd make a good friend," Tanya says. "I didn't want to get involved."

Their first date, a casual April lunch arranged and attended by a mutual friend, was informal. The first thing that attracted Tanya to Kevin was his taste. "We ordered the same sandwich," she says. She left the lunch with a good feeling--as well as another date for the very next day. This time, the two would be going out by themselves.

By the end of that second date, Kevin was already starting to get romantic. Tanya, on the other hand, wanted to make sure he was finished with his "other" relationship first.

Two weeks later, it was done: Kevin was on his own.

This new relationship evolved quickly--but mostly over the phone. They started talking every day. Near the end of one call, Tanya remembers Kevin seemed to be acting strangely. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't get the words out.

She decided to say it first: "I love you, too."

At the end of that conversation, Kevin said what he couldn't just minutes before: He loved her.

They were engaged the next summer. When they were planning the wedding, the relationship hit the kind of rocky patch many couples experience before the big day. There were arguments about a receiving line, color schemes and invitations. Kevin, a Catholic, wanted a church ceremony. Tanya, who wasn't raised within any religion, wanted the wedding to take place outside.

Things felt strained. The couple wondered: If they were arguing about details, was getting married the right decision?

They consulted a counselor, who after three meetings assured them that this kind of bickering was, in fact, "normal." Plans progressed, and the couple learned how to compromise along the way. They even decided to postpone the ceremony for six months so that Kevin's niece and nephew could serve as flower girl and ring bearer.

Over the Fourth of July weekend, they said goodbye for two weeks. They still talked over the phone daily, just as they had when their relationship first began. The separation felt good.

When they finally reunited on the day of the wedding, Tanya couldn't stop smiling. The time off had paid off.

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