Unrated! Extended cut! Better than ever!

Better than ever?

This week marks the release of Crimson Tide, Enemy of the State and Con Air—all of which are now available as unrated extended cuts. The movies in this trifecta of bombastic brainlessness from producer Jerry Bruckheimer have been out on DVD before, but since there is more—much more—of each on these spine-tingling discs, it follows that they must be better than ever. Of course, how can eight extra minutes of Enemy of the State be a good thing? I mean, come on, even the truncated version they call "the trailer" sucks. And while Con Air is not a film that should ever be considered "perfect," it was certainly perfect as it was, without the additional seven minutes of deleted scenes.

I know there are better things to write about in the DVD world than the hucksterish release of these movies—although, in all fairness, it is a slow week—but this rant is about more than unrated, extended cuts. Don't get me wrong: Some day, when I'm much older and wiser and I've watched every movie ever made, I will probably be eternally thankful that there is a version of Crimson Tide that restores those additional (and I'm certain crucial) seven minutes Tony Scott's masterpiece.

But for the time being, I really want to watch Billy Wilder's Ace in the Hole, which has never been released on DVD. Neither has Melinda or Welcome to Hard Times or The World, the Flesh and the Devil. I'd also like to watch Alejandro Jodorowsky's Santa Sangre, but that is out of print. Maybe one of these companies that keeps repackaging and reissuing the same crap, only with a few extra minutes and retooled electronic press kits passing for "bonus featurettes," could release something new. Is that asking too much?