Singing Chain Saws, Screaming Trees.

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WINNERS

Schools are closing and the homeless are starving, but corporate mack-daddies and Republican lawmakers are still deeply devoted to the annual kicker, a refund of tax revenues that exceed the Legislature's predictions by more than 2 percent. This year's record payback will total more than a billion dollars, much of it padding the pockets of businesses and individuals who cashed in on the state's booming real-estate market.

Team George Bush is revving up its chain saws and getting ready to clear some Oregon brush. The U.S. Forest Service fell in line with the administration's pro-ax logging policy Friday, proposing a timber sale in the area hit by the 2002 Biscuit fire. Environmentalists say the move amounts to ecological malpractice—but who wants to listen to the pessimists?

Surviving fans of the glorified CBA franchise known as the Portland Trail Blazers found yet another slim reed of hope to cling to, as Klamath Falls window manufacturer Jeld-Wen linked up with ex-Blazer Terry Porter's longshot bid to buy the perpetually troubled team. Jeld-Wen's cash adds heft to Porter's attempt to pry the club out of billionaire Paul Allen's buttery fingers.

LOSERS

Ron Saxton, occasional moderate and wannabe GOP governor, got a double dose of bad ballot news this week. The right-wing Constitution Party and the freewheeling Libertarians both nominated serious candidates to make hard runs from Saxton's right, potentially shaving crucial percentage points off the Portland lawyer's final score.

A Gresham alternative high school temporarily lost its license last week after administrators neglected a little thing called a background check. The nightmare at the Academy of Alternatives started when a teacher's aide—charged with raping and sodomizing a 15-year-old student—was discovered to have a previous criminal record. For, like, murder.

Still scrambling to keep a lid on rising frustration over school closures, Portland Public Schools' credibility took another blow last week. The district's new auditor quit after hovering administrators hindered her from getting access to critical data. Those auditors—always badgering innocent bureaucrats for "the facts."

06.06.2006 at 09:00 Reply

Story Forum Archive

Singing Chain Saws, Screaming Trees.The state economist, not the legislature, makes the revenue prediction. And I'd like to see some figures to back up that assertion that real-estate players get "much" of the refund. This isn't up to your usual standards, guys.—Andrew Klossner

06.07.2006 at 09:00 Reply

Singing Chain Saws, Screaming Trees.Schools are closing because the student population is shrinking. If you have a picture of a starving homeless person, I'm sure we would all love to see it. Otherwise the editorial staff might want to do a little remedial journalism work and look up a term called 'hyperbole' (see also 'Unadulterated Leftist BULLS**T').Next time you might want to have a thinking adult review your copy and they would probably point out the incongruity of writing about the cash starved schools, and a school district auditor quitting over access to the financial data....all in the same essay. Maybe you were absent from class the day they explained that auditors check up on things like how the money is spent. (Hint: Why would the school officials not want the auditor to see the data? Hmmmmmm?) BTW, you forgot to mention the elderly that have been thrown out in the streets and run over by the evil, mean-spirited, homophobic, misoginistic, not-yet-dead white Republican males in their gas-guzzling SUV's. (Look up sarcasm and that sentence will make more sense to you.)I must say you leftists certainly do love your pet little issues and cliches. Too bad you don't have the same warm feelings for the truth or reality.I must also disagree with Mr. Klossner. This is up (or down) to your usual standards.Keep trying kids.—Vast Rightwing

06.08.2006 at 09:00 Reply

PPS AuditorWW dropped the ball on this one and got scooped by the O! Nigel had a chance on this one and passed it up. Oh, how I wish for the old WW, the one that took on the hard stories. Now, PPS gets one paragraph and the rose court gets the cover. Remember, you are the alternative NEWS weekly.—Chris

06.12.2006 at 09:00 Reply

Singing Chain Saws, Screaming Trees.>Schools are closing Because of DECLINING ENROLLMENT! It's simple math, WW: Less students in district = less schools that can remain open. Many of the schools that are "closing" were schools built back when FAMILIES were prolific in Portland. (Remember families? Does WW know anything about them?). Many of these aging hulks of buildings are simply too expensive to keep open when the enrollment declines by a half, or worse.>and the homeless are starving, Starving??!?!?!? Portland is the HOMELESS NIRVANA OF NORTH AMERICA. The homeless from ALL ACROSS THE WEST come to Portland to feed at the trough of Liberal handouts in the land of milk and honey that we know as the People's Republik of Portland. Starving???? On the contrary (burp!), dude. The homeless have it better here than almost anywhere else in America ... and often at the expense of families, tourism, and business here in Puddletown. >a refund of tax revenues that exceed the >Legislature's predictions by more than 2 percent. >This year's record payback will total more than >a billion dollars, much of it padding the pockets >of businesses and individuals who cashed in on >the state's booming real-estate market.I'm glad they're returning the money. It's not theirs. It's not yours. It's the taxpayers money who sent it in the first place. I know this goes against your commie pinko ideal world, but TAX DOLLARS DO NOT COME FROM A MAGICAL CLOUD IN THE SKY: THEY COME FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY. I don't care if those 'other people' are millionaires or not: It's still THEIR money, not yours. Until you realize that, you have no hope succeeding on your own.—There goes WW again, leading the charge in spreading Liberal myths into the 21st Century ... and beyond!

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Singing Chain Saws, Screaming Trees.