I know you've been the new speaker of Oregon's House just since Monday, when the Legislature opened. And I know you've got dozens of interest groups each insisting you help them now because each believes it's personally responsible for giving Democrats control of the state House (and putting you in the Speaker's chair) for the first time in nearly two decades.
But I want to make my voice clear before that cacophony of worthies drowns it out.
You might remember me. I heard you speak in front of my friends, both homos and hets, at that fancy party in West Linn during the holidays. I thought you were a decent guy, one I feel like I can speak to as my friend. At least, that's my hope.
You see, it's been a rough road for queers around here without any friends with power in the House. A couple of years ago my gay brothers and sisters went out on a limb and tried to get themselves married. I don't have to tell you how that all ended up.
We got our collective asses spanked just because we wanted the same rights as you and your wife, Mary. Not to mention your kids, Jonathan, 10, and Brynne, 8, when they're adults, gay or straight. We wanted anti-discrimination statutes or at least civil unions. But your predecessor, Republican Karen Minnis, crushed those hopes.
Now we finally seem to be getting back on track. It looks we've even got those damn evangelicals off our back—due to the fact so many of their own leaders are spending time on their own backs in compromising "situations"—but I digress.
For years now we've heard "well-intentioned" politicos say, "When there is a majority, we can work on (insert liberal queer cause here)." Well, with the support of a bunch of queer voters and their straight allies, you've got it. There are no more excuses: Your party kept the Senate and the governor's chair, and now has flipped the House from Republican control to Democratic.
It's your turn to get the House in line and drag the Senate and Gov. Ted with you.
I know you have a lot of work to do. But once you figure out health care and education, will you make sure that you get civil unions and anti-discrimination laws passed?
I mean, it's not like we're asking you to give us the big thumbs-up for gay marriage (Yes, you conservative snoops peeking at this letter: We do have a long-term agenda, but that's for another session). All we are asking the '07 Legislature to do is the right thing, the fair thing, damn near the only thing that Oregon can do for us right now.
I was pleasantly surprised you hired a member of Basic Rights Oregon to join your inner sanctum, considering the fact the Speaker's office wouldn't even take BRO's phone calls two years ago. I don't know how much sway your new communications director, Rebekah Orr, will have, but it heartens me to know that someone who's been working so hard for my partner's and my rights is now working for you.
I know the session won't be easy, and that the issue of gay rights will sit in a corner of the State House like a big gorilla waiting for its turn to thump its chest. But we put you there for a reason: to do your job. Represent all Oregonians and make sure all have equal rights.
Jeff, it saddens me to realize no one will ever win an election by supporting these issues, but you need to know that we've got your back, and we're damn sure as hell not going to let you lose an election because of our issues, either.
Now get to work,
Byron Beck
In an open letter to Oregon House Speaker Jeff Merkley regarding same-sex marriage, Mr. Beck seeks to hold elected officials accountable and rally the GBLT community and friends. This intention is admirable. Mr. Beck would be more effective in putting forward his worthy cause if he showed more consideration for our legislators, his opponents, and the topic of marriage.
While Mr. Beck may get Mr. Merkley’s attention, let’s hope that Mr. Merkley doesn’t limit that attention to a smirk and a roll of the eyes. Why does Mr. Beck see fit to mention that “our collective asses got spanked” and then list the names and ages of Mr. Merkley’s young children in the same paragraph?
Before Mr. Beck damns evangelicals, he should consider Mr. Merkley represents all Oregonians, even evangelical ones. I would expect that in his role as Mr. Speaker, he would not take kindly to anyone damning anybody else.
The truth is, same-sex marriage is a perfectly noble cause and deserves rigorous and thoughtful action. If the entire country of South Africa has been able to fully legalize same-sex marriage (not just civil unions) in less than 15 years of democracy, there is every reason to believe, on moral grounds, Oregon and the USA could legalize it very soon.
How were South African GBLT activists able to rally their lawmakers to do the right thing in such a short amount of time? They were able to show that same-sex marriage is moral, ethical, and beneficial to society. And, that prohibiting same-sex marriage is in fact, immoral, unethical, and detrimental. That, same-sex marriage is not harmful to anyone and it improves communities by strengthening bonds between any two adults who choose relatedness. That, communities are more stable and harmonious when cohesiveness is encouraged, and communities suffer when governments discourage commitment, responsibility, care taking, and solidarity among any of its citizens.
South African activists were successful because their discourse was rational, well researched, persistent, and most importantly, dignified. Whatever grief the fight for equality caused them, their public face was substantially free of name-calling, paranoid assumptions, and innuendo despite the mean-spirited efforts of a sizable opposition.
South African GBLT heroes followed the lead of other equality heroes like Rosa Parks and Nelson Mandela who were amazingly effective because of their uncompromising courage, determination, and grace in the most adversarial conditions imaginable.
The turning point in public opinion can happen in an instant; protracted strategizing and believing the struggle must be long and painful only serves to enforce oppression. Heroes open people’s hearts with a sentence or two, while so-called warriors exascerbate people’s fears endlessly. What opportunities are missed, if our anger and frustration is constantly at war with others? At some point we’ve got to pull the front line out of the trenches and push it onto the high road.
Throughout history, race, social class, ethnic backgound, religious affiliation, and even shoe size have kept loving adults barred from marrying one another. Over time, societies evolved and accepted that these factors are nobody’s business except the couple involved.
Americans aren’t cold hearted and reactionary. We are generous and adaptive. Within less than a generation laws prohibiting racially mixed marriages were abolished as Americans became convinced marriage should be color blind. Why should gender be any different? It’s only natural that the institution of marriage will evolve and be gender blind too.
It’s time to enlighten our neighbors that relatedness is good for society and that gender is irrelevant if two adults choose to sanctify their relationship. Focusing on the public good of marriage and respecting the private matters within marriage will convince any reasonable American that same-sex marriage is perfectly civil.
Americans who seem obsessed with the sexual aspects of same-sex marriage are unreasonable. Anyone who is married will tell you 99% of married life is spent working, tending to children and the elderly, running a household, and actually sleeping.
The real perversion is getting out the magnifying glass and examining the private parts and intimate relations of any two adults. Whether the couple is casually dating or married for life, the naked life of others is simply nobody’s business.
Religion, like sex, is a private matter. No court would force the Catholic church to marry a Jewish couple, so same-sex couples will get married where they are welcome.
Governments cannot mandate that marriage is divinely ordained. Governments only ensure that the marriage contract is upheld and provide recourse if it isn’t.
We are not privy to the fine print of someone’s employment or banking contracts, and marriage is a confidential arrangement too. If we were all truly respectful of the private lives of others, the emotional charge of the marriage debate would greatly diminish.
With our secular clothes on, let’s talk about the rational aspects of marriage. If we stay out of the church and bedroom for a minute, it is easy to come up with a long list of reasons why same-sex marriage is good for everyone in society and harmful to no one.
Mr. Beck, I would appreciate it if you could make a positive impression on your most ardent detractors. Alienating them is not nearly as effective as persuading them. Importantly, erring on the side of discretion with your allies would ensure lasting friendship too.
Maybe if you limited your queerspeak to getting spanked on Saturday night, evangelicals would limit invoking scripture to Sunday mornings. Monday through Friday, we could co-create a common language and remain dignified as we rationally discuss why same-sex marriage is moral, ethical, and beneficial.
If marriage is so important to you, roll up that window of yours and get serious. You have a vehicle for transformation in your hands. With a little heroic prose, you might be married June.
James Girod
On holiday in Cape Town
This article was not about NA vs. MD! As so many seem to have interpreted it. It contained most of the facts (and not all of the most damning either) about a particular NA--Donald McBride--who carved out chelation therapy from his medical malpratice insurance, which denied Sandy's four sons of even a modest financial settlement (they received $5,000 each) for the loss of their mother in the prime of her life.
He NEVER even told Sandy's family he was sorry for what happened.