WINNERS

Fraternity theme parties aren't the only place for pimps and hos. Ex-OSU football star Richard Seigler was charged with being a pimp in Vegas—just days after OSU senior Sara Jean Underwood was named Playboy's Playmate of the Year. Who says Oregon's public-university grads can't find high-paying work?

Ron Saxton proved that middle-aged, Republican white guys can never truly be beaten. For losing his bid for guv—twice—the Sax gets rewarded with a cushy office in the private sector. His new title: senior VP with the worldwide window-and-door-maker that is Klamath Falls' Jeld-Wen. When God closes a door, he opens a window.

Mike Korpi, a Forest Grove mechanic-cum-David, beat down the Homeland Security Goliath, which threatened to fine him $55,300. As first reported on wweek.com, Korpi tried to bring back eight fake Rolexes when he visited China in January. The feds seized his counterfeit bling at the airport and told Korpi to pay a fine equal to the watches' retail value. But the feds dropped the fine last week. They are keeping the watches.

LOSERS

Last week, Portland Police Lt. Jeff Kaer learned he could lose his job for killing an unarmed man while on duty in January 2006 (see "Brother in Arms," WW, April 11, 2007). But for this loser, there are two winners: Mayor Tom Potter made political hay with the public by proposing the firing, and Police Chief Rosie Sizer scored points with her cops by opposing Potter.

Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) seems to have embraced his elder statesmen status. He sits on the Special Committee on Aging and founded Oregon's Gray Panthers. But Old Man Wyden will soon be playing a young man's game: caring for newborns. The 58-year-old Oregon senator is expecting twins. By the time his little "blessings" graduate high school, Wyden will be 76—if he lives that long. Good luck—to all of you.

Hempstalk went up in smoke last week when the Portland City Council just said no. The festival lost its bid for city real estate after complaints that last year's event promoted illegal marijuana use. According to Hempstalk organizers, DEA agent Kenneth Magee urged cannabis consumers to give up their pot addictions and embrace Jesus as the "cure" for their pain. Well, the Gutenberg Bible was printed on hemp.