WINNERS

Don't believe what you read about the Trail Blazers "giving away" Zach Randolph to the New York Knicks in a trade last Thursday. Randolph's averages of more than 20 points and 10 rebounds a game didn't help the Blazers win. And the power forward's thorny tenure in the mild City of Roses included him punching a teammate in the face and a civil lawsuit alleging sexual assault. New York's dropping crime rate, meet Randolph's wrath.

U.S. Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) is again flexing his muscles in Congress. Last week, the bow-tied bee lover introduced legislation that would make boosting the pollinator population a government priority. Say, what was that about A WAR!?

We hold these truths to be self-evident: Any loser from California can find success in Portland and, when in doubt, bleach it out. Last week, Oregonians crowned a blond Kari Virding Miss Oregon 2007—just a year after a brunette Virding lost a bid to be Miss California 2006. For infinite details, check out Jack Bog's Blog (bojack.org).

LOSERS

In what passes for Portland's Trial of the Century or at least Trial of the Month, Multnomah County jurors on Monday found Volodymyr Golovan guilty of 10 counts of forgery, theft and lying to investigators for his role in the city campaign finance scandal. Golovan did, however, avoid convictions on charges related to his work for City Council candidate Emilie Boyles. Dosvidanya to all.

A new city audit shows promises by Portland's Bureau of Purchasing that buying products in bulk would save $4 million-plus a year haven't exactly panned out. The actual savings over a little less than a year, according to the audit: $61,000. And BTW, Silver Oak Solutions—the consultant on this idea—got $911,000.

Dumb spending, second verse. Smart car. Dumb city. "The City That Works" is spending $75,000 for three Mercedes Smart Cars that will soon be available to the public for a total of $42,000.