The old drunk is, well, drunk. Really drunk. As always. He's just told me that he only has $20, with the meter at $22. I've told him the ride's over.

"This is the thing I hate about people from Portland, they just aren't helpful!"

"No man, this is the deal: The last time you were in my cab, you spilled sauce all over everything, and then had me park so you could throw chicken bones at the MAX, and then were four dollars short. Time before that, you had me wait outside of Winco for 20 minutes so you could buy kitty litter, and threw up on the side of the cab. Now you're expecting me to drive to outer Vancouver for half price. What would you do, in my position?"

"I'd be a nice guy!"

"I was a nice guy when I didn't call the cops last time. I was a nice guy when I didn't punch you for throwing up on my car. I was a nice guy when I let you in the cab tonight. Now you want me to be a nice guy by letting you steal 20 dollars and 20 minutes of my time?"

"Exactly, because you're a nice guy!"

"Well, no more Mister Nice Guy. Get out."

"You cabbies just aren't any help, I'm never calling this company again!"

"Hey, you're welcome to call in and complain, but you've gotta realize it's a two-way street."

"This is a one-way!"

I roll my eyes and drive off.