Bob Barker is the Joe Goebbels of animal sterilization. Every day on The Price Is Right, Barker was there, on TV, with The Message: Have your pet spayed or neutered. Have your pet spayed or neutered. Spayed. Neutered. Spay. Neuter.
Partly because we lack a propagandist of Barker’s caliber, more than 22,000 cats were euthanized in Oregon last year. That’s according to Portland’s Cat Adoption Team, which is in the midst of its April “Feline Fix-a-Thon” ($20 for a spay, $10 for a neuter. Call 925-8903 for details).
And so, in preparation for Candidates Gone Wild—the annual political debauch-a-thon, hosted by WW and the Bus Project—we asked our would-be overlords: What will you do to make sure more cats are spayed or neutered, spayed or neutered, spayed or neutered?
DAVID “THE ACK” ACKERMAN
Running for: Mayor
Owns five cats, all fixed. “I’d be the crazy cat lady, if I were female.”
What will you do to get more cats spayed or neutered? “I think it’s important to get the word out, you know, especially in the inner-city—uh, spread awareness.”
Running for: U.S. Senate
No pets. “When there’s stray cats I adopt them, but the owner won’t let me keep them because, you know, I rent.”
What will you do? “Cats have a right to live and reproduce.… They do have a right to have fun. I don’t agree to neuter any living thing, you know?”
Running for: City Council, Erik Sten’s seat
Owns a dog (fixed), allergic to cats.
Spay? Neuter? “I’d probably call Sharon Harmon of Oregon Humane Society, who endorsed me, and...see if we could work something out. How’s that for a political answer?”
Running for: City Council, Sam Adams’ seat
Dog or cat? “Our household has one of each. I’m bipartisan.” Both fixed.
Spay. Neuter. “Isn’t this a county issue?” Indeed it is.
Running for: City Council (incumbent)
Owns a dog, Rosie
Spay, Neuter? Consider taking over animal control from the county if certain conditions are met, including a new animal shelter and tighter pet-licensing requirements. Add animal-control officers. Make spaying and neutering mandatory.
Occupation: Former mayor, co-chair of the Sam Adams for Mayor campaign
Refused to answer. (No time for this shit.)
* = See them next Monday night at Candidates Gone Wild!
WEDNESDAY APRIL 23
[MUSIC] CUNNINLYNGUISTS, KID ESPI, LIVING PROOF, BRAILLE
Positive hip-hop shines in support of Kentucky’s thoughtful and bumping CunninLynguists, a group far less dirty than its name would suggest. Berbati’s Pan, 231 SW Ankeny St., 248-4579. 9:30 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.
[WORDS] LOGGERNAUT SERIES
The theme for this reading, featuring Douglas Wolk, is “flat.” Whether that means “two-dimensional,” or “lacking boobs” is anyone’s guess—the organizers aren’t talking. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 7:30 pm. Free (recommended $5 donation).
FRIDAY APRIL 25
[STAGE] NOBODY HERE BUT US CHICKENSThird Rail Rep takes on a strange and distressing comedy by British playwright Peter Barnes that skewers societal attitudes toward people with disabilities. Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center, 5340 N Interstate Ave., 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes May 24. $16-$25.
SATURDAY APRIL 26
[WORDS] STUMPTOWN COMICS FEST
PDX is arguably the center of the comics universe, and one weekend a year, it celebrates that fact. Lloyd Center Doubletree Hotel, 1000 NE Multnomah St. 10 am-6 pm Saturday-Sunday. $6 per day, $10 for the weekend. All ages. Visit stumptowncomics.com for info.
[MUSIC] NINA NASTASIA, DAVID KARSTEN DANIELS
David Karsten Daniels’ latest album, Fear of Flying, is as thorough and thoughtful a musical examination of mortality as I’ve ever heard. Daniels reminds of an unusually lucid Jeff Tweedy through 11 songs about death. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm. $12 advance, $13 day of show. 21+.
SUNDAY APRIL 27
[SCREEN] D.K. HOLM FUNDRAISER
The friends of PDX-based movie critic D.K. Holm gather for an auction to help pay his medical bills. You know it’s a benefit for a critic when it includes a hate-mail reading. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave. 7 pm Sunday. Donations begin at $10. See page 55.
MONDAY APRIL 28
[DISH] TASTE OF THE NATION
Indulge yer edible complex with tastes from more than 70 Oregon chefs. The proceeds go to fight hunger. Delish. Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 235-7575. 6:30-9:30 pm. $75-$200. Call 1-877-268-2783 or visit portlandtaste.org.
GET INFORMED: Candidates Gone Wild, Monday, April 28. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 224-2038. 7 pm doors, 8 pm show. $4. All Ages. Visit candidatesgonewild.com for more info.