The tragic story of SPRINKLES: BeefJake and I were dinking around playing together at his other band (Pure Country Gold)'s practice space trying to come up with a name for our new band when I slipped and fell down on my face. As I lay there bleeding about the nose, neck, breasts and shoulders, my swollen eyes focused on the cause of my calamity: a sprinkles-covered, half-eaten donut. I yelled out "Sprinkles!" but it sounded like "Thprinkles!" Jake fell off his drum stool laughing and began text messaging all his new friends our new band name. We received responses such as "You guys are fucking idiots!" "What the fuck were you thinking?!" "What kind of stupid asshole names their band after light rain with a chance of showers?!" "I will personally come to your home and beat you half dead if you name your band Sprinkles!" "Your family is dead to me!" "Jake, I will personally destroy your power base!" "My god, it's full of sprinkles!" And someone who received the text message on accident that was not part of Jake's "Hot Friends 2007 List" said, "Oh, I love thprinkles!" We went with the last answer. We have now lost all our friends, our family has disowned us, and we have been fired from our jobs all due to the name Sprinkles. But it's worth it to play once a month in front of 30 people that chant "Thprinkles" and wear hooded robes while sacrificing sprinkles-covered stray cats in our honor. -Jason P.S.- We play at Slabtown on Friday October 19th! P.S.S.- Also, the idea of opening for tough guy bands and seeing flyers that say "Metal Church with Sprinkles!" was too good to resist.
Images: Magician cat courtesy of a Google image search; Abracadaver photo taken from the band's MySpace.