March 19th, 2010 5:33 pm | by NATALIE BAKER News | Posted In: CLEAN UP, Business, Business

Portland Attempts World Record to Woo Google


Any possible doubt of Google's status as the unofficial king of the world vanished when we received news of the national competition currently underway for one lucky city to partner with the technological giant for an installation of a 1 gigabit fiber optic network to serve up to 500,000 homes.

Human translation: internet that is potentially 100 times faster than what is currently available anywhere in the United States. No, the usefulness of this is not entirely clear (aside from being able to download pirated movies at lightning speed). But "useful" is so last century, just like cassette tapes and the act of sleeping. It's technology that is bigger and better—case closed.

Apparently Topeka, Kansas decided that the winning strategy in gaining Google's partnership would be to rename their city as Google for one day. Effing brilliant, guys.

Portland's taking a different tactic this Saturday. We take this seriously. Our city needs the jobs this partnership could generate. So, instead of some silly ploy like changing our name, a "group of citizens in the technology and creative industries clusters" have organized an attempt to break the world record for the longest Telephone game, longest being measured in the number of participants, of course. The current record is 614 participants.

This is metaphorical, right? Instead of calling up Google to say "Hey mega powerful dudes and dudettes: if you choose our city to be your cute, technologically drugged guinea pig, you'll save hella money because we've already got some of the infrastructure you'd need to build for your project," we're going to play an hour long version of the game known as The Pointless Distractor to teachers and summer camp counselors for those sudden anarchic ten minutes between planned activities.

Ok, so maybe it sounds kind of fun. Fun is also a concept from last century, but there's an exception if the fun is for the sake of gaining useless technology.
The Game will stretch from Pioneer Courthouse Square and attempt to cross the Steel Bridge to the steps of the Rose Garden arena. The event will begin at 9am Saturday March 20th, and the record-breaking Telephone game attempt will start at the beginning of the line at 9:30, reaching Mayor Sam Adams in Pioneer Courthouse Square at approximately 10:30. All who are interested are encouraged to meet at the corner of NW Couch and Naito Parkway.

Contact: Donna Hougland 503-313-9152

See you there!
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