Tour de Franzia
Overlook Park, North Interstate Avenue and Fremont Street. 7 pm Monday, June 13. 21+.
The goal of this ride is to “develop and refine the set of skills for on-road riding with external or internal box-wine loads”. Sounds slightly illegal, but alluring nonetheless. It could be a comedic combination, watching impoverished hipsters struggle to balance 5 liters of Chardonnay mid-track stand.
Naito Fountain, Southwest Naito Parkway and Ankeny Street. 6:30 pm Tuesday, June 14.
Perhaps the first time MC Hammer and Jazzersize have been combined, Hammercise is a whirlwind event where riders will dress-up in 80s workout gear and stop to perform exercise flashmobs around Portland. It’s a good excuse for you to pull our those harem pants you never figured out how to wear.
Col. Summers Park, Southeast 20th Avenue and Belmont Street. 11 pm Tuesday, June 14.
Perhaps the strangest of all is Silent City, a no-sound allowed 10-mile loop where riders will “enjoy what the city night offers our senses.” This sounds awkward. Nothing makes a person want to talk more than being told not to talk. Example A: the library. I can’t help but wonder—if you wanted silence, couldn’t you just go on a solo ride?
Cartopia, Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard and 12th Avenue. 7:30 pm Thursday, June 16.
The Twilight book series and following movie franchise have caused a resurgence of interest in werewolves. There’s even a new Teen Wolf series, but the less said about that the better. So if you’re into this sort of thing, ride out for Werewolf Hustle, where fellow Team Jacob Portlanders will ride under the full moon. The description doesn’t say anything about a dress code, but we can only assume that facial hair is a plus.
Pickles N’ Ice Cream
Ladd’s Circle, 1600 SE Harrison St. 3 pm Wednesday, June 22.
Pedalpalooza has rides for every kind of person. Gingers, tall girls, big girls and even pregnant ones. The aptly named Pickles N’ Ice Cream ride “celebrates pregnancy, riding slowly and having a good time”. Attendees are encouraged to “come pregnant, or looking that way”—whatever that means.