So, I might be the only person in the NBA world who finds a joke about Grant Hill drinking Sprite funny. I apologize. I'm a bit of a ham. But here's the good news: THEY GAVE ME THE GOOD SEATS TONIGHT, AND I'VE GOT A SPLITTING HEADACHE!
Still the best video ever.
Also, I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but cheerleading is just stripping with clothes on. That goes for the guys who cheer, too—glorified Chippendales. Also, somebody should get those Beaver dancers some hamburgers. And that's all I'm gonna say about all that.
WHY WON'T IT START!?
Wes Matthews had to hit a three at some point. I'm starting to think he's more comfortable being just off the top of the three-point line than he is shooting from the corner. Or maybe it's just a quarter-by-quarter thing. In any case, he swished that a-one, and the Blazers are poised to pull away here in the third.
Also, Marcus Camby has 14 rebounds already. If this game stays close enough for him to stay in it, we could be looking at another huge rebounding night from him.
Nash hands off to GOR-TAT THE DESTROYER, and GOR-TAT takes the basket for everything it's worth. You know, I'm so focused on the actual movement on the floor that I've neglected to tell you just how shitty of a first half the Suns had! They scored only 33 points! That is unbelievable. It's hard to accept that this team has run its course, but there will be no playoffs this year unless the Suns swing a major trade. Either way, this may very well be the last time we see Steve Nash in a Suns uniform here in Portland. What a run!
Oooooh, that Camby-LaMarcus connection is so so sweet. I also dig their customary back-of-the-hand high-five. Blazers go up by 24 points, and you can't spell YOWCH without ouch. I mean, you can, but why would you waste your time spelling either of those non-words?
Steve Nash has missed two free-throws tonight. As I often do, I wish I had a stats monkey this evening. I'd be curious to know when the last time Steve Nash missed two free-throws in a game was. I know it's not really indicative of anything greater, but his whole game tonight is kind of sad for me: It's like watching the end of an era. The Blazers are playing well, but the Suns are downright imploding. And Steve Nash has been on the floor more than I've seen in a long time. Meanwhile, Wes Matthews is just draining threes left and right. Something snapped in him.
If Alvin Gentry keeps his starters in this game, which is now a 29-point thrashing (and frankly it feels like it should be more), I think even the mild-mannered Suns might start to lose their temper. It might be about time to bring out the B-team.
Very nice pass from Chan Frye to Jared Dudley in the post, and Dudley bounces it in. That's the first good thing we've seen from the Suns in a while, and—OH MY GOD WESLEY MATTHEWS YOU ARE SUCH A JERK WITH THOSE THREE-POINTERS! Can't you see that this team has absolutely nothing right now? I mean, they just look like total trash.
The threes are contagious. What is that, six or seven in the quarter? Keep 'em coming, Blazers.
Gerald Wallace getting a very loud standing ovation in here after jumping out over the growd and crowd-surfing on a bunch of Blazer fans, then getting back on the court to finish a play after the Blazer steal. Wes Matthews has to be feeling a little bit under-appreciated out there. I mean, he did just make like four threes in a row. Five? Was it five? God, sometimes I miss Mike and Mike. It was four, stat machine says.
I feel bad for Channing Frye. He just can't get shots to fall lately. It's not the first time he's had a dry streak in his career, but to start out a starter and then basically shoot yourself out of that starting spot has got to feel pretty awful. Misses a wide-open one here.
Blazers have the ball and are up 35 points. Three of their starters are still on the floor. The Suns will likely avoid posting a historically low score because at least half of the fourth quarter will be played by reserves on both sides if this trend continues.
Ooh, vintage Bassy! He had a few good games here, remember? And a lot of bad ones...
So, a 31-12 quarter in the Blazers favor. Wow.
Sooooo, you don't mind if I just watch this one for awhile, right? I mean, it's down to a 33-point lead, but I think that's pretty much done deal territory.
Is there always a gaggle of Vegas-looking bros down on the floor, standing up after every play and laughing like Muppets and cheering each other on? It looks like a budget version of Entourage down there. Cheering's cool and all, but I kinda think the NBA needs a "shut the fuck up" rule, and it needs to enforce it. Maybe it's a bachelor party. Or a football team? I don't know, but wow. The world is those dudes' for the partying and we're all just taking up space in it.
Why would you slow down a game this bad, refs? There's no need for this agony to keep dragging on and on.
Sebastian Telfair is still fun to watch, for real. Not kidding. And Phoenix has some dunkers, but at least one of them is really ONLY a dunker.
MAKE IT STOP! Soon a wave will start. Oh god, they're really trying to start a wave! No!
At least it's Chris Johnson time. I am a big fan of Chris Johnson time.
CHRIS! JOHNSON! TIME! BITCH!
I'm sorry to have used the b-word, I just got carried away.
Bassy: I'll show you, Blazers—I'm a one-man-team! Blazers: Yeah but we've got like 10 dudes on our team...
The fans demand Luke Babbitt. They show this by leaving the arena. They are literally going on strike as fans because Luke Babbitt is not on the floor. And who can blame them. Friends, I am thinking about walking out myself. This is against God's Plan!
Score is 100-64. Jamal Crawford is the evening's Chalupa King.
John Hollinger is OUT. Day is done.
And Babbsy is in. Let's see what he can do.
Scratch that, I don't care about Babbs—Elliot Williams is a ba-dunk-a-dunker. He needs to be in the dunk contest this year. Do you have to actually play to be in the dunk contest?
Hell, Williams might just fetch some playing time if he keeps playing like this. Long two goes in cleanly from him. Too bad this all means nothing, because he could really be helping out. He looks completely exhausted, though.
Did the jumbotron just show an ironic replay of Luke Babbitt's after-the-whistle dunk? Seems in poor taste somehow. Lukey came to play tonight, though. He's cashing in those layups. The Blazers now lead by 42 points. Jeeeeez.
Well, it has been a pleasure blogging for you. Let's talk about Luke Babbitt's stat line, shall we? He has 2 points and one rebound. But Elliot Williams is looking really, honestly sharp. And Sebastian Telfair just got kicked out of the game for a tech. People are cheering. That seems mean to me. He overreacted, but man, I can't hate on Bassy—he's had a tough run. And yeah, there's the guns and the whatever, but I think he's a good kid at heart and I'm bummed to see him go out like that tonight.
By the way, Alvin Gentry is fucking pissed. I watched his lips, and after a couple of curses, there was the line "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE GAME IS OVER!" I believe he then asked the ref to look in his eyes, which Gentry would not. The Blazers win by 38 points. It's the kind of game coaches get fired over, so I can see why Gentry—in addition to having his players' backs—is pissed off. It's the end of an era, and any hope that this season would be better than the last for the Phoenix Suns looks like nothing but wishful thinking tonight. The best we can hope for is Steve Nash getting traded somewhere nice. New York, perhaps.