Each week our culture scientists rank their 10 favorite things in the universe. The resulting list is infallible. The list is perfect. If you don't agree with the list, you are wrong. Some items may stay atop the list for weeks, others may only make a brief appearance. Some items are Portland-centric, but only because Portland is at the center of the universe. Please do not write to us, asking for the metrics behind the list. We will not provide source material. We will not be swayed. Bow down to the list. Love the list, as the list loves all things. Let the list move through you. (And, you know, if you have suggestions for the list, stick them in the comments section below.)

SNL's Linsanity skit
The life-imitates-art serendipity of SNL's perfect skewering of the American sports media's casual racism towards Jeremy Lin and the simultaneous Internet meltdown over ESPN's inexplicable, inexcusable "Chink in the Armor" headline. It takes a very special brand of stupidity to be more offensive than a room full of comedy writers. Also: was that not the best SNL episode of the season so far?

2. Girl Scout Cookie season!
Back in the list for a second week! Horde them! Stockpile them! You'll thank us come summertime, when you have all of the cookies!!!

3. Wimpy's burger now comes with a fried egg.
This is not the sign of a new trend, or a typification of Portland cuisine, or something The New York Times will send an old man to write about. But they should, because this is the best happy-hour burger in town, and now it has a fried egg. For $3.

4. Ebbe Roe Smith
The Portland actor and playwright is presently starring in a comedy he wrote about a washed-up Hollywood screenwriter who wrote one well-received revenge flick and then squandered his talent on uncredited rewrites of bad action movies. Why? Because Smith wrote the Michael Douglas revenge thriller Falling Down and then squandered his talent on uncredited rewrites of Mad City, U.S. Marshals and Nick of Time (for which he was reportedly paid $1 million). We should all be so willing to mock ourselves.

5. Little Dog
Hair of the Dog Brewing's Alan Sprints poured his "Little Dog" at this weekend's Zwickelmania, with curt tasting notes: "low in alcohol, high in hops." That about says it—it's an unusual and very delicious beer.

6. Daniel Clowes' Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron
The Ghostworld creator's creepiest book ever—it rivals Charles Burns' Black Hole for sheer ick factor—is coming back into print. This one is seriously fucked-up, though Clowes' '50s advertising-influenced artwork helps soften the blow. We hope someone is making a movie of it!

7. "Old Fashioned Happy Hour" at Central
From 11 pm to midnight, they serve $6 Old Fashioneds made from 10 different base spirits. The gin Old Fashioned is so good we can still taste the thyme.
9. Cruzroom's "Rising Sun" taco
All we know about this men's consignment shop in the Pearl is what we've been told by Finder fashion editor Sami Gaston. But she says they have J. Crew sweaters for $18, and we want one.