March 14th, 2012 5:00 am | by AARON MESH News | Posted In: City Hall, Politics

Mayoral Madness: Vera Katz Regional

There's no more exciting day than the day you start picking a mayor with March Madness brackets.

Today, we kick the voting off with the Vera Katz Regional. It may be the toughest region in the tournament, especially because it involves the Timbers Army, and those people will stand in the rain for books about how they stood in the rain. They could sway this whole thing.

Come back to every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Monday for more rounds. And check out the full bracket here.

Voting in this regional will remain open until 8 pm on Monday, March 19.

1. Carrie Brownstein, Portlandia founder
16. Victoria Taft, Talk-radio resentment queen

Brownstein, the overall number-one seed in our tournament, put Portlandia on the map and made herself a national media phenom by playing irritating bougie caricatures who are, deep down, loveable. Taft fumes daily on AM 860 about how much she hates such people. We are unsure whether Taft is, deep down, loveable.

8. Timber Joey, Soccer mascot/lumber baron
9. Blaze the Trail Cat, Basketball mascot; has nine kneecaps

Joey gets a better seed because soccer is so hot right now, and the Timbers are still trying. Plus, he saws logs; Blaze doesn't really do anything except twitch spasmodically in various Rose Garden settings. The fact that he doesn't do anything might make him a fitting symbol for Portland, however.

5. Mike Reese, Police chief
12. Mike Rice, Blazers TV color commentator

Reese openly pondered a mayoral run, and then he opened his mouth, and then an Occupy Portland protester opened her mouth, and then a cop blasted pepper spray in that mouth. Rice has never shut his mouth, and his City Hall press conferences would be amazing. Also six hours long, with popcorn breaks.

4. Lars Larson, Radio bomb-thrower
13. Mohamed Osman Mohamud, Accused holiday-tree bomber

Lars is the highest-seeded right-winger in the tournament (unless you count John Canzano), and got a lot of mileage out of the Pioneer Courthouse tree-bombing plot. Mohamed Mohamud is a mixed-up kid—kind of like Elliot in E.T., if E.T. were an undercover FBI agent with fake bombs.

6. Viva Las Vegas, Literary stripper
11. Sherri Hiner, From Mattress World!

Viva stripped at Magic Gardens, then wrote two books about it; she famously displayed her mastectomy scars in the pages of Portland Monthly. "Sherri from Mattress World" is the closest thing Portland has to a cult local-advertising star. Both women want you to think about mattresses.

3. Timothy Hutton, Avenging injustice
14. Amanda Marshall, U.S. attorney

Hutton stars in Leverage, which we don't watch. He won an Oscar for Ordinary People. Marshall is, to paraphrase the immortal words of Law & Order, the federal attorney who prosecutes the offenders. She did not win an Oscar for Ordinary People.

7. Willy Vlautin, Singer/storyteller
10. Scott Kveton, Urban Airship CEO

Vlautin mumbles beautifully sad songs in Richmond Fontaine, then sits brooding at Portland Meadows. He wrote a great novel about a horse. Kveton also wrote a book (it's about bacon) but he is best known as the tyro of Portland's tech-startup scene, with a specialty in apps. We don't think they would get along.

2. Duane Sorenson, Haute coffee emperor
15. Patty, Magic Garden bartender

This might be an upset, just because a lot of people are still angry about the Stumptown sale. (They are, right? Maybe they aren't.) We'd love to know what Sorenson really thinks about the backlash, but he won't talk to us. We'd also love to know what Patty, the formidable barback at Magic Garden, thinks about the backlash, but she won't talk generally.

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