Politics is a messy business. We had all kinds of salient thoughts prepared—really profound stuff—for these second-round matchups if they'd gone according to seeding. But there is no predicting your taste, Portland voter. You could do anything. We are mildly frightened of you. The vox populi is making our ears bleed.

We kid, we kid. We, for one, welcome our new talk-radio overlords. So vote!