"Hello, can I speak to App?"
"App? Who is App?"
"App, the guy that called my movie stupid. I wanna know if he ever made a movie. Has App ever made a Hollywood movie?"
"No, sir, he hasn't."
"Well then, who is App to call my movie stupid!"
It's true that App—also known as AP Kryza—has not made a full-length Hollywood movie. Over seven years of freelancing for Willamette Week, it's one of only several things our most enthusiastic embedded reporter didn't do for a story.
Andy Kryza is now going to work full time for the Portland portal of the Thrillist digifrat. Sadly, that means you'll be seeing less of him here. Though we eagerly anticipate Andy's Thrillist posts about entertainment centers and flavored lip balm, we thought we'd take some time to look back at some classics from his WW oeuvre.
Good luck, Andy. May every man's lap you sit on be soft, may every chapstick sample you write about be sweet and may no crazy old cranks find your phone number.
And now, some of Andy "App" Kryza's greatest hits...
Great Scots: "Oy, Portland! Ya call yerself Beervana? Ya might as well drink yer grandmother's piss. India pale ales an' high-'n'-mighty organic ales? More like fock-off ales. Ef it's not Scottish, it's piss."