In this week's issue, Willamette Week's resident goofy-accents analyst Rusty Feathercap lent his knowledge to deciphering the nearly imperceptible linguistic subtleties hidden within the many silly voices of America's laziest very-rich comic actor, Adam Sandler. In an effort of full disclosure, it should be noted that Feathercap is not a board-certified expert in...well, anything, really. Jeff Conn, however, is. He is an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Applied Linguistics at Portland State University. We asked him to watch a few film clips and give us his analysis of whatever the hell it is that Adam Sandler is doing, exactly. He provided the following thoughtful response. Considering the subject, it's almost too thoughtful.