In this week's print edition, AP Kryza interviewed two-dimensional metal thunder gods Dethklok, stars of Cartoon Network's Metalocalypse. Although we only had space to run two illuminating answers there—regarding Wisconsin's election results and singer Nathan Explosion's trash-compactor vocal style—the conversation was wide-ranging, covering everything from Cool Ranch Doritos to Sarah Palin. It may have raised more questions than it answered, though. For example: How does one eat their own face?
Willamette Week: What does it take to become a Klokateer?
Nathan Explosion: You're asking me what?
Pickles: They're asking for a job.
Explosion: Oh that's not my department. Ugh, this is getting weird.
What's on Dethklok's concert rider?
Pickles: The blood of a poisoned whore.
Explosion: And Cool Ranch Doritos.
If you were stranded in the woods and forced to eat one of your fellow band members, who would it be and why?
Explosion: No offense to my bandmates but I don't want their dirty body parts in my mouth.
Pickles: But you have to eat somebody.
Explosion: Then I would eat myself. And I would start with my own face.
Toki, as a lover of children, do you ever hope to have children of your own, and if so, would you be willing to share your stuffed animals? And given your relationship with your father, what would you do differently?
Toki Wartooth: Uh, I haven'ts thoughts of dats really. I usually pulls out ats de lasts seconds to avoids dats kind of responsibilikies. And I don't shares my shits with no ones. Sorrys! And my fathers…uh…I means…
Explosion: I don't think Toki feels comfortable talking about that piece of garbage.
Warooth: Thanks you, Nathans.
Skwisgaar, what is the allure of the GMILF, and how would somebody who is less-than-metal seduce one? Also, Sarah Palin: GMILF?
Skwisgaar: A GMILFs ams a grandmother's dats I'd likes to you-know-whats and dey ams inportants because hot sluts looses theirs allures after you has enough of dems. And evens though Sarah Palins ams a bit youngs for me I would definitelies takes a crack at her. I'd likes to dress her likes a wolves and shoots her from a helicopters with a tranquilizers guns and dens has my way with hers.
What is the true meaning of love?
Explosion: Thanks for the interview, we'll be going now.
SEE IT: Dethklok plays Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., with All That Remains, Machine Head and Black Dahlia Murder, on Saturday, Nov. 24. 8 pm. $35 general, $50 reserved. 21+ balcony. All ages.