Garry Marshall lied to us. New Year's Eve is not a magical evening. No one gets stuck in an elevator with Ashton Kutcher. Robert de Niro's dying wish is not to watch the Times Square ball drop one final time. No one wants to make out with Katherine Heigl. It's nothing but an excuse for public intoxication and screaming and then, inevitably, crying. And here in Portland, we get the extra special bonus of freezing to death waiting to catch a cab that's never going to arrive.

But that doesn't mean we can't have fun, right?

Here are some of the ways our music writers enjoyed ringing in 2013. (Contributors in order of appearance: Nathan Carson, Mitch Lillie, Robert Ham, Mark A. Stock, Matthew Korfhage, Matthew P. Singer.)

8:03pm @ my closet
I pick out my best black-and-gold western shirt in order to be "Egyptian festive" tonight. I then immediately get distracted building my new ceiling-high IKEA bookshelf. (NC)

8:47 pm @ home
Should I be learning new card games after this many whiskey sours? Nothing else is going on yet. (ML)

9:30 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
The bad news is the venue forgot to put me on the guest list tonight. The good news is that the doorman is in a band hungry for local press. (RH)

9:32 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
I should be worried about the $5 Long Island Iced Tea special, shouldn't I? (RH)

9:46 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
System & Station are obviously doing something right. There's one overweight, ponytailed dude furiously playing air guitar to every song. (RH)

9:58 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
I don't envy any band trying to "make it" in this day and age. I actually cringe when Ryan Heise excitedly offers up free download cards as a New Year's Eve gift. (RH)

10:06 @ my driveway
I get further delayed on my way out the door by busting some kids who are letting their dog shit in my yard just as I step outside. I offer them a plastic bag and a "Happy New Year" then peel out of the driveway. (NC)

10:07 pm @ Dig a Pony
I arrive to find Dig a Pony at capacity. About two dozen people, one shivering in a T-shirt and fitted cap and begging for cigarettes, are being sent to Union Pine, some with jackets still inside. I share my flask with the poor saps. (ML)

10:15 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
I retire to the lounge to rest my weary back. A young couple nearby attempts to play a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon style game but are reduced to fits of giggles at every turn. The whole place smells of burnt garlic. This is the glamourous life of the music journalist in a nutshell. (RH)

10:19 pm @ Roadside Attraction
This place is so kitschy I love it. Our troupe of Dig A Pony refugees were given hats on arrival. There should have been a breathalyzer before handing out the noisemakers. (ML)

10:34pm @ SE 10th and Morrison
Fashionably late, I'm at the back of a long line, waiting to get inside the Egyptian Lover show. (NC)

The crowd at Egyptian Lover.
IMAGE: Nathan Carson

10:56 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
The downtime between sets has felt interminable. Hey Pigs On The Wing, let's get this Show On The Road. (RH)

11:06 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
I admit a little jolt of joy when I see that four members of Pigs On The Wing are wearing NASA-style jumpsuits. And that they are playing a sparkling version of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond." (RH)

11:12 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
I swear the dude singing "Money" is doing so with an Eastern European accent. (RH)

11:17 pm @ Backspace
My irrational fear of all ages shows dissolves instantly at Backspace as two youngsters debate the merits of tax hikes over a shared ginger ale. The kids are alright. (MAS)

11:27 pm @ YU
The last local DJ just ended. This party is actually running on schedule. Egyptian Lover and Jamie Jupiter are next. I wish I knew how to breakdance without hurting myself. (NC)

11:38 pm @ Mt. Tabor Theater
Most pleasant surprise of the evening is the band's cover of "Fearless," one of the best songs from Pink Floyd's Meddle. (RH)

11:39 pm @ YU
A real DJ with skillz is playing "Planet Rock" backwards. His segue into Twilight 22's "Electric Kingdom" is flawless. That DJ is the Egyptian Lover. Respect! (NC)

11:42 pm @ Backspace
The loudest applause of the evening goes to Lost Lander's announcement that Backspace will, in fact, stay in business. Again, the kids are alright. (MAS)

11:43 pm @ YU
Looks like I'll miss the Egyptian Lover's grand vocal entrance as I need to run a few blocks down the street to kiss my lovely girlfriend at midnight... (NC)

11:46 pm @ Union Pine
Finally wristbanded, we buy champagne. I hate these mini-bottles, and my hatred might make me guzzle mine before midnight. I resolve to be more patient and less douchey when drunk in 2013. (ML)

11:50 pm @ Backspace
Backspace's bathroom art is top notch. (MAS)

The bathroom art at Backspace.
IMAGE: Mark Stock.

12 am @ The Odditorium
Dandy Warhols members Zia McCabe and Courtney Taylor-Taylor lead a mass sing-along of "Auld Lang Syne" with party attendants at their recording and performance space in Slabtown. I have a lyric sheet in front of me, and I'm cheerily singing, but the lyrics still make little sense to me. Burns Schmurns, I have decided that the song is a Masonic ritual or an old piece of witchcraft, and we should from now on be wary. (MK)

12 am @ Mt. Tabor Theater
Pigs On The Wing closes out 2012 with an extended version of "Have A Cigar." I greet the new year clinking beer cans with a stranger. And the band, appropriately, rips into "Time" as the first minute of 2013 passes. (RH)

12 am @ Union Pine
That was it? There were maybe 75 people counting down and no confetti to speak of. Did I make a resolution earlier to be more something? Forget it. Later, Union Pine, we're bringing the party back home. (ML)

12:01 am @ My car outside Montage
Mission accomplished. Racing back. Will kill myself if I missed "Freakaholic." (NC)

12:05 am @ Backspace
Lost Lander rings in the New Year with a celebratory version of Robyn's "Dancing On My Own." Keyboardist Sarah Fennell is killing the diva role and Brent Knopf is playing a portable keyboard while wandering through the crowd. (MAS)

12:05 am @ Union Pine
We avoided the fiscal cliff, y'all! And the DJ here is bumping Mystikal! 2013, you're all right so far. (MPS)

12:10 am @ Mt. Tabor Theater
The band starts into "The Great Gig In The Sky" and I use that as my signal to get going. I spend a few minutes with Ray from The Cry! (the Mt. Tabor doorman) watching his buddy blow bubbles at unsuspecting patrons of Bar of the Gods. Behind the venue, folks are letting off fireworks. My car miraculously starts on the first try. 2013 is already off to a glorious start. (RH)

12:11 am @ YU
"8! OH! MOTHERFUCKIN 8!" chants the crowd along with their exalted hero, though 90 percent of these people probably heard of Egyptian Lover the very first time just last week. (NC)

The ice luge at Yale Union.
IMAGE: Nathan Carson

12:11 am @ Backspace
Balloons continue to bounce around Backspace like beach balls. New Year's resolution: More alliteration! (MAS)

12:20 am @ Backspace
"Afraid Of Summer" is an eerie ode to water-based fears and—fittingly—awkward youth that twinkles as much as it terrifies. Favorite track of one of my favorite Portland records of the year, and it's even punchier live. (MAS)

12:27 am @ YU
Egyptian Lover brings the house down with set centerpiece "Freakaholic." He then declares 2013 "the year of the freak." Let's try to live up to it. (NC)

1:47 am @ Burnside Bridge
I wish Portland was this lively every night. People have abandoned hopes of catching a cab and are walking across the Burnside bridge en masse. So Euro. (MAS)

1:48pm @ Zach's Shack
Sharing a beer, jalapeno cheese fries and Chicago dogs with my girlfriend. Welcoming 2013 in style. (NC)