1. Hillel Slovak
The first guitarist of Sunday headliner Red Hot Chili Peppers, who died of an overdose in 1988, back when the group was just a bunch of L.A. meatheads rocking penis socks. Current guitarist Josh Klinghofferâyes, the bandâs current guitarist is Josh Klinghofferâwould be asked to stand on the side of the stage idly strumming his guitar on all Slovak-era songs.
2. Daft Punk
Still alive and anonymous, a holographic version of the French duo would take over the Saturday night headlining slot from Phoenix. Phoenix would then play the slot it deserves, in the Mojave Tent at 3:15 pm.
3. Drunken holo-brawl between Noel and Liam Gallagher
Filmed with 3-D cameras in a dirty Manchester pub after giving the boys a case of Newcastle. Would be shown on a side stage as Blur plays on Friday night.
Or, better yet: No Blur at all! Weâd love to see 3D versions of Damon Albarnâs most interesting project, a cartoon rap group, replace Blur on Friday.
Would join Lou Reed to sing âIâll Be Your Mirrorâ and âAll Tomorrow's Parties.â A holographic Andy Warhol would briefly show up on the side of the stage to cheer and offer bundles upon bundles of high-grade Afghani heroin.
6. Ian Curtis
Would briefly turn New Order back into Joy Division. Joy Division would then play the flip side of Unknown Pleasures before Curtis faded back into the ether.
7. Mike Ness, circa 1983
Would stand on the side of the stage during Social Distortion in order to shame present-day Ness.
8. Ol' Dirty Bastard joins Wu Tang Clan
Actually, if this doesnât happen, most people will be unpleasantly surprised.