Willamette Weekend: 14 Things to Do and See in Portland, March 15-17

St. Patty's Day Steel Tip Dart Tournament
[DARTS] In that most wholesome of entirely misguided sports, a bunch of people get together for a drinking holiday and marathon-launch deadly weapons with ever-decreasing accuracy. Everyone's invited. D’s Bar, 6732 NE Sandy Blvd. Sign-ups 6:30 pm, starts 7:30 pm.

Arnica String Quartet
[CLASSICAL] In this March Music Moderne concert, the Portland-based string quartet presents one of the season’s best chamber music programs, including music of the great contemporary Argentine- American composer Osvaldo Golijov, former L.A. Philharmonic conductor Esa-Pekka Salonen, Europe’s greatest living composer Arvo Pärt, and 20th-century genius Béla Bartók. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 222-2031. 7 pm Friday, March 15. $10.

Me Siento con Vallejo
[DANCE] That hammock isn’t just for lounging—Luciana Proaño turns the modest piece of netting into a bed, swing and even a prison gate in her tribute to the surrealist Peruvian poet César Vallejo. Studio 14, 333 NE Hancock St., 971-275-0595. 8 pm. $10-$15.

Mazamas Used-Gear Sale
[GEAR] Mazamas membership requires summiting a glaciated peak. No climbing is necessary to shop the group’s used-gear sale. Members sell used adventure gear: snowshoes, camping supplies and climbing equipment to outfit your next ambitious outing. REI and the Mountain Shop will bring deals, too. Mazama Mountaineering Center, 527 SE 43rd Ave. 6-8 pm.

Plastic Ono Band Tribute
[MUSIC] When John Lennon left the Beatles, he truly went solo. Plastic Ono Band, his first post-Fab Four album, is a record made only for himself and those willing to travel with him to deep, dark, alarmingly personal places his previous group never dared. Fanno Creek, the We Shared Milk and Old Age perform the record in full along with other Lennon material. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

Hillstomp, Sassparilla, Hong Kong Banana
[COUNTRY] It’s easy to imagine PDX duo Hillstomp as the house band at some rowdy smalltown bar, playing its blend of rootin’ tootin’ country and blues as a soundtrack to endless fights that eventually get broken up by Patrick Swayze. A longtime fixture of the city’s alt-country scene, guitarist Henry Christian and drummer John Johnson have crafted a sound rooted in the rowdiest of Americana. The band has a habit of disappearing for long periods of time, so consider this two-night stint at the Doug Fir a chance to let loose before letting your inner Appalachian ass-beater go into hibernation. AP KRYZA. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231- 9663. 9 pm. $10. 


Saturday, March 16

Nordic Walking
[SPORTS] You too can be one of those baffling walkers using ski poles for propulsion. Learn all the health and eccentricity benefits of Nordic walking at this group walk. Register by Friday, March 15. Next up: the lesser-known nordic walk competition in the Portland Marathon. Salmon Fountain at Southwest Salmon Street and Naito Parkway. 7:30-8:30 am. $25, poles $5. wondersofwalking.com.

St. Joseph’s Day Pig Roast
[EATIN'/DRINKIN'] A grand brew release and pig roast in honor of Mary’s hubby. Occidental will reveal its Bourbon Barrel-Aged Lucubrator Doppelbock and turn two pigs on the spit. Occidental Brewing Co., 6635 N Baltimore Ave., 719-7102. Noon-8 pm.

The Merry Wives of Windsor, or the Amorous Adventures of the Comical Knight Sir John Falstaff
[THEATER] Bag & Baggage’s Merry Wives of Windsor begins with a tap-dancing pack of cigarettes, an outrageous opener even for the bawdy bard. But this Merry Wives isn’t Shakespeare. It’s a 1647 rewrite by unsung playwright John Dennis, reimagined by director Scott Palmer as a 1950s black-and-white television show. Think I Love Lucy, slapstick shticks and circle skirts, with Shakespearean vernacular. The production goes fullthrottle ‘50s with comedic overacting, a flashing applause sign and cheesy product placement (as one character pauses to pull out a pack of Old Gold cigarettes, he touts them as “a treat instead of a treatment”). But Falstaff and the cuckolds of Windsor are Shakespearean as ever, as two young lovers hatch a marriage plot and the merry mistresses fall into their own amorous caper. Michael Kutner’s irritating overacting distracts, but when done well this reinvention is delightfully entertaining. Gary Strong impressively balances ye olde comedie and retro melodrama as the famously fat seducer. Who knew the 1950s and the 1500s would make such a good pair? ENID SPITZ. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 345-9590. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays through March 4. $18-$26.

Barrowlands, Serial Hawk, Hungers
[METAL] On Serial Hawk’s Buried in the Grey EP, the Seattle power trio unleashes monolithic tunes that recall early Unsane, Godflesh and Helmet. Muscular riffs, sleek production (compliments of local boy Adam Pike and Toadhouse Studio) and patient unfolding of apocalyptic vibes are all on display here. Nuanced touches, like the whispered vocals on “Silence Means Nothing,” help break Serial Hawk out of the standard approach of keeping the volume on 11 at all times. Local upand-coming Cascadian black-metal group Barrowlands tops the bill. Its 2012 demo focuses on storms, mountains and inner turmoil, with a frosting of cello just to stay classy. NATHAN CARSON. Club 21, 2035 NE Glisan St., 235-5690. 10 pm. Free. 21+.


Sunday, March 17

Irish Whiskey
With old men, in a tiny room, at the Leaky Roof. 1538 SW Jefferson St., 222-3745, theleakyroof.com.

St. Patrick’s Irish Festival
Drink enough on St. Patrick’s Day, and you may think you’re seeing leprechauns dance for you. But those aren’t leprechauns: They’re kids from local dance studios, whose parents are happy to let them Flatley as you Farrell. Kells, 112 SW 2nd Ave., 227-4057. Various times. Free-$25.

Murs, Prof, Fashawn, Black Cloud Music, Saint Warhead
[HIP-HOP] In recent years, rappers like Kendrick Lamar and Lupe Fiasco have earned acclaim for presenting a second-person narrative on life in the hood. It’s not a new phenomenon for the genre: California rapper Murs, for example, has been doing it for years. And, like those previously mentioned, Murs is gifted at depicting the pain and hardships of others through his own words. Last summer, he took it to a new level when he released “Animal Style,” a song written from the perspective of a young gay male in love with his best friend. REED JACKSON. Hawthorne Theatre, 3862 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 233-7100. 7:30 pm. $15 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.

Kevin Seconds, Sean Croghan, Sorta Ultra
[ALL AGES MUSIC] Kevin Seconds and Sean Croghan each brought the spirit of punk rock to very un-punk places: Seconds in Reno with his fabled early hardcore band, 7 Seconds, and Croghan in Portland with a handful of outfits that were just a little too heavy and passionate for their drab Stumptown surroundings. But the most inspiring thing about these local legends isn’t that they stuck around their respective scenes. It’s that they stayed engaged and relevant while making their local scenes better. Both dudes can still kick out the jams, but expect to hear their quiet sides—Seconds just released a very folky and catchy acoustic EP called Van Songs, and Croghan has been focused on his visual art and bands the Needful Longings and the Pynnacles—at this intimate and inspiring all-ages alternative to all the St. Patty’s bullshit downtown. CASEY JARMAN. Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th Ave., 223-0099. 8 pm. Call venue for ticket information. All ages.