WW writer Mike Acker selects his top moments from the first night of all-female comedy festival All Jane No Dick, which kicked off yesterday. The festival continues through Sunday; check out the schedule here.
1. Ten minutes into their opening set, Canadian improv comics Tegan Verheul and Sarah Szloboda (collectively known as Tegan and Sarah Improv) stop. In the midst of playing two sorority-sister types talking about the possibility of having an aura baby together—maybe their eighth and ninth characters of the set—a one-liner from Sarah sends Tegan into a hard-to-hide fit of laughter. The mostly packed house gives the hilarious duo the benefit of the doubt, giggling along with Tegan as she tries to regain her composure.
2. “It doesn’t matter, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDIE,” yells Portland comic Bri Pruett, leading the crowd in a round of shouting, as blushing birthday girl Andie Main stands at her side on stage.
3. Best line of the evening: “Lucky bag of Scrabble dicks,” courtesy of Jes Rega, one member of local group Lez Stand Up. The line arrives in a joke about misinterpreting verbal cues, as when a date asks you over to play a board game.
4. “I’d spend the first part just peeing on stuff,” Rega again, this time explaining what she would do if she were a man starring in a porn film. She would also, she says, spend part of the film hitting things with her penis, which she demonstrated, and then probably spend the remaining time sticking it into Jell-O and hot dog buns.
5. Wading into dead-baby joke territory, Brandie Posey says she’d trap a man by digging a trench, lining the bottom with sharpened babies and covering it with leaves. She then stops to clarify that “no babies were actually hurt in the writing of this joke.”
6. “That’s the definition of going out in a blaze of glory,” says Posey about David Carradine, the Kung Fu star accidently killed himself at the age of 72 while attempting autoerotic asphyxiation in a Bangkok hotel room. The LA-based Posey met Carradine outside of a comedy show six months before his death. She even got his email address (email@example.com, if you were wondering).
7. “I’m trying to get my boyfriend to send me a dick pic,” says show-closer Phoebe Robinson. Robinson, based in New York City, goes on to explain that a dick pic takes more effort than sending flowers since, she says, “nobody is getting it on the first try.”