In this new column, WW music calendar and contributing writer Mitch Lillie helps the discerning club-goer put together their weekly calendar by compiling Portland's best dance-music options for the next seven days. Turn up, tune in, drop the bass. 

80s Pun Award 
Binary Musician Runner-Up 
Sellout level: High 
(8 pm, $15) 

Classiness level: High 
Joint twisting threat: High 
Sauerkraut scent level: High 
(9 pm, $10) 

Faux classiness level: You didn't get a table? 
Musical diversity: 0/10 
Musical quality: 7/10 
(9 pm, $50, tables $500) 

Official font: Ancient Aliens Sans
Underground points awarded: 17 
Venue Name Solidity Index: 0 
(8 pm, $5 before, $10 after 10 pm) 

Event planning level: Napoleonic 
Death arrival vector: From Above 
Disco house over/under (in percentage of tracks): 92 
(9 pm, $5) 

Volume: Turnt 
Refinement: Plank constant 
Rap Game: Media blitz 
(9 pm, $40-60, 18+) 

Dope level: Chill 
Tight level: Dope 
Chill level: Tight 
(9 pm, $100) 

Binary Musician Award, bro endorsement 
Decibels: LOL I didn’t go this year, bro 
Female attendance: Low, bro 
(7 pm, $35, 18+)

Pop type: Synth 
Musical Drops (over/under): 0 
Charitable support level: Nick Johnson 
(9 pm, $20)

Local house scene cred: Immeasurable 
80s Pun Award Runner-Up 
Price point: wat 
(9 pm, $5)

Repeat number: 2 
DJ social class: God mode 
Style points: 2816 
(9 pm, free)