Welcome to Haute-N-Ready, in which John Locanthi, Willamette Week’s trencherman of leisure, tastes the hastily made, modestly priced food of the common man.

One might balk at the idea of a global, multibillion dollar corporation co-opting the imagery of a proletariat revolution against the bourgeoisie, but that misses the point. Surely, there is nothing revolutionary about battering processed chicken meat and tossing it in the deep fryer. And you cannot replace french fries with chicken fries in your combo meal as easily as onion rings. Consider this an incremental revolution against the status quo.
The chicken fries themselves bring back fond memories of the chicken tenders Burger King sold in my youth. The batter is far and away superior to that of the McNuggets sold by the King’s wealthier, more depraved competitor, McDonald’s. The change from finger to fry helps maximize the batter to low quality meat ratio. In an effort to make a gimmick to compete with McDonald’s Chicken Selects (may they rest in peace), Burger King may well crafted the perfect bottom barrel deep-fried chicken offering. Or at least, a far superior fry.

The only question remaining is why they aren’t selling them in lieu of french fries in value meals.

According to the Burger King website, a side order of fries contains 410 calories. While nutritional information for BK Chicken Fries is not readily available—likely due to the recent reintroduction—a nine-piece order contains 390 calories according to a third party source. The former contains less sodium, along with nearly twice the carbohydrates and less than a fourth the protein. The only reason not to order your whopper a la carte with chicken fries and a fountain drink. (I don’t need to tell you that the price will still be lower than a burger at a non-fast food chain.)