Local funny lady Whitney Streed closed the door Wednesday evening on the Weekly Recurring Humor Night at the Tonic Lounge. Streed’s weekly standup showcase, ending a three-and-a-half year run, has been one of the sturdiest staples of the local comedy scene, and many regulars turned out last night to help close the show’s run.
Streed dropped the biggest knowledge nugget in the middle of the show, when she explained that part of the mission of her showcase was to teach people that her show is recurring—not reoccurring.
“Something occurs,” Streed said, “and then recurs.”
“In my neighborhood there is an Armenian drug front. I know this because it has a sign that says ‘coffee’ like Lucy from Peanuts has a sign that says ‘psychiatry.’” —Brock Wilbur, an LA-based comic talking about some of the quirks of his “Hollywood” neighborhood
“If you’re straight and playing in the NFL, fuck you. You should quit and free up space for somebody who will enjoy it all the way.” —Kyle Harbert
“My mom’s half Korean, so I’m a quarter Korean. I know I look like a white person, which has been extremely helpful.” —Bri Pruett
“All right, we’re going to talk shit about Torres,” —Jen Allen, after discovering, through an audience assist, that Shane Torres, Portland’s lame duck funniest person (at least according to Helium’s annual contest) was not in attendance
“Suck my heart dick.” —Phil Schallberger’s heart during an extended bit that featured Schallberger having a heart-to-heart with his own heart, while shirtless with a heart painted on his chest
“Weird to come out after Phil. You gotta be nuts.” —Sean Jordan, after following Phil Schallberger and doing a thick Jamaican accent for nearly a minute
“Having a gun to protect yourself against the government is like keeping a chimpanzee around in case Planet of the Apes happens.” —Nathan Brannon
And Kristine Levine, to no one’s surprise, told the most uncomfortable story of the evening. To close a set based almost entirely on the notion that the work of Bruce Springsteen is the ultimate hypocrisy since the Boss has never worked a day in his life, Levine regaled the crowd with a tale about bathing in the same tub where her teenage son had recently masturbated. The tub hadn’t been cleaned in between. (We’ll leave it to you to imagine where that story went.)