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WW writers Rebecca Jacobson and Saundra Sorenson select their top moments from the fourth night of all-female comedy festival All Jane No Dick. The festival continues through today; check out the schedule here.
"I wouldn't say I'm homosexual. Lately, I'm stranger-sexual. Or acquaintance-curious." —Whitney Streed
"I'm going to make a sex-positive masturbation channel. I'm going to call it YouDoYouTube." —Whitney Streed
"I'm polyamorous. It's a Greek word. It means 'many headaches.'" —Whitney Streed
"I've named my vagina. I've decided to call it 'the Gender Gap.'" —Whitney Streed
"I've been drinking a lot of wine and watching Downton Abbey. I've been binge-watching Downton Abbey. I'm still on season one." —Andie Main
"I did get an Ewok treehouse in the backyard and jerky for dinner, so I think I won." —Caitlin Weierhauser, on being raised by a single father
"We don't have jobs. We mostly go around doing favors for each other." —Caitlin Weierhauser, on Portland
"I've never been in a physical altercation in my life, but I have been in a fisting fight." —Caitlin Weierhauser
"How does a donut shop exist that long at a corner (known for prostitution)? It means somebody is getting a paid blow job, then getting a dozen donuts to take home to their family—on a regular basis." —Rye Silverman
"Vegas is a place founded on greed, low morals and big real estate. So it's perfect for Thanksgiving." —Caroline Bassett
âIâm so single, the next time I have sex will be far more terrifying than the first time I had sex.â âCaroline Bassett
"I came out to my mom eight years ago and I've had to come out to her a dozen times since." —Mo Welch
"I think it was Maya Angelou who said, 'Just because you have a pussy doesn't mean you know how to work someone else's.'" —Mo Welch
"I'm very gay. I'm very Irish. And I fucking hate parades." —Mo Welch
"If you're not in a relationship with a significant other, I suggest sexting your friends. They love it, and you'll get a body update." —Mo Welch
"I had to come out to a family member I'm not terribly close to. I wrote her two letters. The second one was serious. In the first one, I came out as Michael Bolton. I figured she'd be so relieved I wasn't Michael Bolton." —Candy Lawrence
"I prefer 'lesbian in the cupboard.'" —Candy Lawrence
"The problem is, I automatically trust anyone with a beard. I know. This is not gonna end well for me." —Veronica Heath, on being raised by a survivalist
"The way that a pug breathes is the way I feel on the inside all the time." —Veronica Heath
"For my husband's birthday, I got an IUD. For my birthday, he got a DUI. And now we're getting a beautiful DIV— oh, shit." —Veronica Heath
"Game of Thrones is for people who really wanted to love Shakespeare and never got around to reading it, but really love The Sopranos." —Virginia Jones
"There once was a lady named Wild
who kept herself quite undefiled
by thinking of Jesus and social diseases
and the fear of an unwanted child."
—Brandie Posey, quoting a limerick in The Other Side of Morality
"It's very difficult to eat healthy. Sometimes you don't want Taco Bell but you really need diarrhea." —Beth Stelling
"Was Jesus' turning water into wine self-control? Jesus was an alcoholic." —Beth Stelling
"I was reverse-gentrifying my hair." —Phoebe Robinson, on the process of growing out her weave
"What's gonna break you today? Is it the pigeon with the lazy eye? Or the homeless guy who explained to you what a mortgage was?" —Aparna Nancherla, on living in New York City
WWeek 2015