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Graham Wiklund doesn't just want to know how many hipsters are in a given area. He wants to know exactly how much hipster funk they're giving off.

Wiklund is a biochemistry student at Portland State University. And when confronted with the “most hipster-dense place in PSU” he'd ever seen, he decided to work out his frustrations with an equation that would measure the hipster concentration of a given area.

To read Wicklund's full description of how this can tell you exaclty how dense the asshatery around you is, go here (pdf).

But here are some highlights from Wiklund's description of his formula's evolution:

• Volume wouldn't necessarily be a good unit to use in these calculations, as hipsters often gather outside to smoke American Spirits on porches at house shows, ride fixed-gear bikes, and other such activities.


• As the amount of non-hipsters goes up, the numerator becomes smaller and the overall concentration of hipsters goes down. If you are a hipster though, the equation won't work because it divides by 0, and you're a pretentious dickhead.


• Hipster activity coefficients are additive across the entire area being measured as well, effectively letting each sour dickweed piss on things their own special way.