We've collected a whole lot of great gifts, most of them from local retailers, in our two Gift Guides
, but there were a few things we discovered on the Web that were just too good to pass up. Here they are.
One Man Tied:
Does this economy have you really pissed off? Is it keeping you from buying a replacement for that shorted-out power cord that stops working every time it twists a certain direction? Well, solve your problem and take out your aggression on One Man Tied
($5). He's a small plastic man with a suction cup for knees, and he's begging for mercy, Guantanamo-style. Simply attach him to any hard surface and wrap the offending cord around the seditious little traitor in whatever torturous fashion you see fit. Not only will you problem be solved, but you'll feel better about yourself every time you look at him.
What's a smoker on the go to do? On the one hand, you love cigarettes, but on the other hand, who wants to leave butts and ashes everywhere? “Butterkek” Sweet Pockets
($16) have got you covered. Not only are they convenient, but they look like cute little square sandwich cookies, available in vanilla or chocolate varieties. Unfortunately, they don't come with breath mints, you dirty smokers.
Kota the Triceratops:
I just watched a video of this thing. There's something frightening about it, and yet, it's hard not to think that this would be the coolest thing any dinosaur-loving little kid could get for Christmas. Playskool's Kota My Triceratops dinosaur
($199.99) is a stationary baby triceratops that growls, burps and makes other assorted noises. It has a moving head, mouth, eyes and tail and supports the weight of a small child, so he or she can sit on top and pretend it's moving. Kids should have plenty of brainpower left over with which to do that, because with all the bells and whistles on this thing, they won't have to imagine too much else.
Why so Serious?
Is it just me, or was The Dark Knight
the coolest effin' superhero movie ever? Thanks to Heath Ledger's Joker, it certainly was. Now you can bring home the most lifelike recreation of the Joker you're ever likely to find without risking the possibility of a pencil through your eye. The Dark Knight The Joker 1:6 Scale Deluxe Action Figure
($99.99) is 13 inches of freaky goodness, replete with a cloth costume, 28 points of articulation, a replica knife and wicked bad facial scars. Do you want to know where they came from?
I can't decide if these are the cutest things I have ever seen, or just the funniest. I suppose it doesn't matter. What does is that with Kitty Wigs
($50), you can now have the most glamorous cat on the block. They're available in Pink Passion, Electric Blue and Silver Fox varieties, though personally, I'm partial to the Marilyn Monroe-style Bashful Blonde.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus:
As the holidays come around, you should remember the reason for the season (well, assuming you're Christian). Wearefishermen.com
offers an assortment of roughly 8-inch statuettes of the J-Man himself in a variety of forms ($20-$30). Available Jesuses include Homeless Jesus, Dallas Cowboys Jesus and a muscle-bound Tree-Climbing Jesus
, each wearing the iconic crown of thorns. Based on the sincere-sounding, pious message from the owner on the website, company founder Erc Dyson is either a weirdly creative evangelical, or the most ironic human being alive.
Now You're Cookin' with Gas!
Disclaimer: The may be the most dangerous thing ever, but we're going to recommend it anyway. Are you habitually late for work? Does your day just feel incomplete without eggs and sausage? Well, thanks to the Koolatron 12-Volt Drive 'n' Grill
($29.99), now you can cook breakfast on the go. Simply plug the portable into car, van or truck's cigarette lighter socket, put on your favorite foods, and BAM!, a delicious meal in minutes. Bonus points of you can simultaneously cook, put on your makeup, watch the morning news and talk on your cell phone. Just remember to keep an eye on those pesky pedestrians.
How can you best combine the simple, innocent videogame pleasures of your youth with the raging alcoholism of your grown-up years? Why, with Pac-Man shot glasses
, of course ($29.99). Each set comes with six shooters, one featuring the Pacster himself, Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Pokey and, for bonus points, the cherries. But remember the lesson that each level's four Power Pellets taught you: Pace yourself.
I can still hear the plastic controller creaking in my furious little grip as I blast away at Mother Brain and struggle to dodge her lasers. And I still get a little shell-shock punch of adrenaline at the thought. So it's gratifying to see that gamers now have more to show for their efforts than just an underdeveloped attention span—the Nintendo badge of honor
($29) pays homage to all the forgotten thumb blisters and high scores. Playstation medal also available. (Tony Piff)