Trailer of the Week: Transporter 3

Friends, readers, anybody, lend me your ears. I come not to bury Jason Statham, but to praise him. The fact is that Jason Statham comes to bury us, under a truckload of the choicest cinematic garbage. Jason who? Pronounce it with me: "JAY-SUN." "STAY-THEM." A former Olympic diver, fashion model, and black-market street hustler, the bald-pated Londoner has single-handedly revived the 1980's heyday of whitey kung-fu and gonzo action flicks. In an age when Chuck Norris stumps for Mike Huckabee, our boy Jason is keeping the dream alive, whether that means swordfighting with Ray Liotta in slow-motion, chasing Jet Li into another dimension, arguing with his own split-personality in an elevator, handing Tom Cruise a briefcase, fighting minorities to keep his heart from stopping, or racing computer-generated sports cars to keep his wrist from exploding:
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Here are the bizarrely-named characters Jason Statham has played so far. Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair:
Bacon in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Turkish in Snatch
Sergeant Jericho Butler in John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars
Agent Evan Funsch in The One
Monk in Mean Machine
Handsome Rob in The Italian Job and The Brazilian Job
Airport Man in Collateral
Ethan in Cellular
Bateman in London
Jake in Revolver
Detective Quentin Conners in Chaos
Yves Gluant in The Pink Panther
Chev Chelios in Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage
Farmer in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Crawford in War
Terry Leather in The Bank Job
Jensen Ames in Death Race
Frank Martin in The Transporter, Transporter 2, and Transporter 3

Transporter 3 is rated PG-13 and opens Wednesday, Nov. 26.
Image of Jason Statham as Chev Chelios (Chev Chelios Chev Chelios Chev Chelios) in Crank.