New York Times
Saturday Night Live
FREDDY KRUEGER: When do you guys want to kill him? MURDERER FROM THE SIX O'CLOCK NEWS: How about right now? DEAD UNCLE WHOSE BODY I SAW AT AN OPEN CASKET FUNERAL: I say we do it when he gets up to pee. You know, when he's walking down the hallway, in the dark. FREDDY KRUEGER: What if he doesn't get up? MURDERER: He'll get up. Look at how he's squirming. It's only a matter of time. DEAD UNCLE: Man, I cannot wait to kill this kid. MURDERER: Same here. FREDDY KRUEGER: I've wanted to kill him ever since he saw my movie. DEAD UNCLE: Do you guys remember that night-light Simon used to have? MURDER: Man, that thing scared the heck out of me. FREDDY KRUEGER: It's a good thing him mom got rid of it. Now there's nothing to stop us from killing him. (Everyone nods in agreement) DR. MURPHY: Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. I was busy scheduling an appointment with Simon, to give him shots. FREDDY KRUEGER: No problem. (Freddy Krueger and Dr. Murphy do their secret handshake) MURDERER: It's getting kind of crowded in here. Chucky, can you move over? CHUCKY: I'm over as far as I can get. MURDERER: I need more space than you're giving me. I'm a lot bigger than you. CHUCKY: Are you calling me short? DR. MURPHY: Hey, guys, relax, all right? We're all here for the same reason: to kill and possibly eat Simon. MURDERER: (Sighs.) You're right. I'm sorry. CHUCKY: Yeah…me too. I kind of lost perspective. DR MURPHY: It's okay. Just remember: we're all in this together. DEAD UNCLE: Hey, it looks like he's getting up! Wait a minute…where's he going? CHUCKY: I think he's running into his mom's room! DEAD UNCLE: Maybe we should follow him? CHUCKY: Are you insane? I'm not facing that kid's mother. That woman is terrifying! MURDERER: Seriously, there is no way I'm going in there. FREDDY KRUEGER: (Sighs.) I guess tonight's a bust. Let's try tomorrow, okay? Same time, same place.